God has a funny way of working . . . as I’ve said before, I’ve gone through a long time of mourning the loss of my stolen laptop. Four years of mourning the loss of written dreams, goals, visions, and a 55 page paper from graduate school, which was a life study on my talents, gifts, and calling. My heart and soul went into the paper. It still hurts to think of the loss of it.
Yet just a few days ago, I felt like it was time to just bury it. Let it go. Stop mourning. Stop looking back and just move forward. It’s hard to move forward with an empty slate, but it’s time. So I did just that.
Skip forward to today . . . I ran over to my parents’ house to pick up Ryder, and my mom mentioned that she printed off some old emails that I had sent to her. I said okay and put them in the diaper bag. She also mentioned that my heart as always been the same. I didn’t really think much of what she was saying . . . then as the boys were napping, I decided to pull the emails out. And lo and behold, they were the conclusion of my 55 page analysis. Holy smokes, a perfectly worded, with Scripture backing, description of who I am and my purpose. My mom had kept the summary of my life’s purpose. She’d kept the 7 year old letters that I had emailed to her about what I felt like God had designed me for.
Sheesh louisa . . . it’s hard to not bawl in amazement of God and thankfulness for my mom. It’s hard to see that God actually wanted to remind me of why He created me. Yes, I’m Mark’s wife, Ryder and Ezra’s mom, Pastor Steve and Chanler’s daughter, and Haven’s sister, but I’m a whole lot more than that. I am the daughter of the Almighty God who called me and detailed me before my parents ever knew me. My DNA stems from Him, and my heritage is that of strong men and women of God. I was not placed on the shelf to become a struggling wife and mom.
A few months ago, I had a tearful chat/prayer time with a lovely lady named Joan Hunter, a fellow pastor’s kid. She said some things that released a lot in me. And as I read through these emails, Joan’s words started to make a whole lot more sense. . . .
My heart is to love on people and train them up. Encourage them in their calling/giftings. If I could, I would find every orphan and fill their love tanks. I would tell them Who loves them, Who has a plan for them, Whose heart is FOR them. If I could, I would find every pastor’s kid and say embrace God, know what Jesus has done for you, and stop trying to be good enough!! If I could find every missionary kid, I would let them know that they are God’s kids, Heaven cultured kids with special, unique ministries, and they are called to walk along side their parents and to utilize the giftings placed inside them. If I could . . . I would train up leaders, world changers, men and women of passion and purpose. If I could . . . . . . . what is holding me back and why can’t I??