I’ve been trying to blog after work, then post the blogs later . . . so some of these are old in that they’ve been works in progress, but new in that they’re still very strongly on my heart. And some of these will post at different dates . . . so new blogs may be sitting below old blogs. Can’t figure out how to fix that . . .
Pregnancy is a weird thing. I miss my old body. I miss my old self really. I feel like my life has changed so much and in so many ways since 2005 that I look back and think where’s that girl? I liked her. I like some parts of this person that I am now, but I miss the younger me sometimes. I miss the me who wasn’t always tired, who wasn’t frustrated because she has no time to do what her heart’s desire is, the me who just got on with things, the me who was on fire, passionate, seeking, hungry. This me just thinks okay, do we have clean clothes for tomorrow, did I thaw out some meat before I left work, did Mark get his lunch, when will Zoya get her exercise, do we have enough money to to pay this bill, did I take my vitamins? Ugh, it wears me out. I know there’s more to life than this . . .
And I know the longing and desires on my heart are leading towards the something more. I know God’s heart is for us to live eternally minded, eternally driven. I just can’t seem to clear the cobwebs of the day to day stuff to get to the heart stuff; it’s driving me crazy. Waiting always drives me crazy, and yet I’m still waiting . . . more to come . . .