I’ve been trying to blog after work, then post the blogs later . . . so some of these are old in that they’ve been works in progress, but new in that they’re still very strongly on my heart. And some of these will post at different dates . . . so new blogs may be sitting below old blogs. Can’t figure out how to fix that . . .

Pregnancy is a weird thing. I miss my old body. I miss my old self really. I feel like my life has changed so much and in so many ways since 2005 that I look back and think where’s that girl? I liked her. I like some parts of this person that I am now, but I miss the younger me sometimes. I miss the me who wasn’t always tired, who wasn’t frustrated because she has no time to do what her heart’s desire is, the me who just got on with things, the me who was on fire, passionate, seeking, hungry. This me just thinks okay, do we have clean clothes for tomorrow, did I thaw out some meat before I left work, did Mark get his lunch, when will Zoya get her exercise, do we have enough money to to pay this bill, did I take my vitamins? Ugh, it wears me out. I know there’s more to life than this . . .

And I know the longing and desires on my heart are leading towards the something more. I know God’s heart is for us to live eternally minded, eternally driven. I just can’t seem to clear the cobwebs of the day to day stuff to get to the heart stuff; it’s driving me crazy. Waiting always drives me crazy, and yet I’m still waiting . . . more to come . . .

2 thoughts on “where’s the old me?

  1. I can solve the problem about posting your blogs. I just recently figured this one out myself. When you are working on a post, click on post options on the bottom left corner. It will give you an option of what date and time you want your post to post on. If you work on a post and then save it, it saves at the day and time you first work on it and then posts it at that time. So you have to change it to the current date and time. Does that make sense?

    I appreciated this blog. I have actually been thinking about what I used to be in comparison to now. I really think that there are seasons to everything. I know motherhood has changed me a lot, mostly good and some bad. I was actually planning a post on something of the sort myself. Stay tuned….it will come out when I get a free moment to myself.

  2. My friend … you are on a beautiful journey of self-discovery. I found I learned so much about myself by becoming a mother. I am learning every day. Some good and some not so good but I press on trying to be the best example I can be to my children … sometimes failing miserably though:-( I am so excited for you and your journey and seeing your life unfold beautifully in a way that opens and expands your heart in a way that can only be experienced by becoming a parent!

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