Yesterday as I was driving home from Target, I was speaking to Mark while he was on his lunch break, and we were discussing how full my plate is right now. I didn’t finish up something that I should have, and someone else had to clean it up for me, which is not the way that I like things at all. So I was a bit frustrated as I felt that I dropped the ball due to time restraints. I was flustered too at the thought of being so busy (or so pregnant) that I didn’t double check everything to make sure that I didn’t drop the ball. And it hit me yesterday that I’ve been extremely tired, my legs and back are aching terribly, and I’m just now getting to the end of my second trimester. So I have a ways to go in this pregnancy, yet I’m already feeling about 36 weeks pregnant. Not good. I’m thankful to have a wise husband who gives the right advice, and he encouraged me to do what I’ve been needing to – seek the Lord about what to give up, learn from what happened, and move on.
The hard part for me is that I like the fun, volunteer, ministry things that I’m involved in. I don’t so much like the working, cleaning, making money things that I have to do. So I’m facing the dilemma of giving up something I love, which is hard. It’s frustrating as well. I had hoped to be able to just be a mom and a volunteer by now. But it’s not to be as of yet. So what do I let go of?? Mark’s willing to take over both cleaning jobs so that I can rest on Sundays, but then I’ll miss out on seeing my husband. The only Mark and Micah time we get is when we clean on Sunday afternoons, and I would miss that. Ryder and I already spend lots of time together without Mark as he is gone from 8am to 7pm every day. Plus he works every other Saturday morning. So when would we see him?
While processing all of these thoughts, I have decided to relax a bit and not worry about our house being perfect. The floors get dirty the minute after I clean them, the laundry is always there, and the dishes can wait to be washed. So I’m taking some time at night to seek the Lord, rest, and just relax. And I know that He knows that I enjoy my volunteer activities, so I know He has an answer. I’m just curious to know what it is. 🙂 But those who seek shall find, so we’ll see what He says. And I have a lot more to write . . . but no time. To be continued later.