I don’t really know how to get out what’s on my heart, but we’ll at least give it a shot.
Over the past two weeks, I have spent most of my time teaching at the Bible school (or preparing my notes) and checking off a million to do items. I have had so much going on that I have felt like I’m just doing well to keep the balls in the air; there’s not been any focus on trying to juggle well or even proficiently. And Mark has pointed out twice now that the more I just let go and trust God the better things turn out. He’s right. The older I get the more I leave behind my goal of perfection and choose to head for rest instead. Specifically, resting in Him, knowing that I cannot do anything without His help and strength. If I’ve learned anything over the past several months, it’s how much I need to dwell in the Secret Place of the Most High God. I cannot be a good wife, a good mom, a teacher, or anything without Him. It’s like this shifting is happening in how I operate, and my heart’s cry of more of Him and far less of me is now happening.
Truthfully, it’s been very hard to pack up my house, to realize that we are seriously moving into the great unknown, and we can’t do anything but walk forward. We have to trust Him right now. HAVE TO. Now that we have sold our house and have quit two of our jobs there is no back up plan. We are leaving Colorado no matter what happens. That’s very scary if you’re a planning/tad bit controlling/need to know what’s happening type person. That’s even more scary when you have three little ones! So I have had to leave that person behind. I cannot trust God AND need to know the plan. I have to just trust Him and rest. So I have. I’ve let go.
And the COOLEST things have been happening. So many light bulbs have been going off, so much confirmation, so much peace, so much contentment is happening right now. My love and hunger for the Lord have been growing so much as I’ve been clinging to ever word of His as if my life depends on it (because it does!). Mark and I have been through two overseas moves already, and we are so different in this one than we were with the last two!! Yes, I still have an occasional panic moment or crabby answer, but overall, I’m peace filled and acting like it! I can’t tell you how huge that is for me to say that, and I say it with so much humility and so much gratefulness. I just pray that it continues as we’ve only just begun on our journey of walking into the unknown. I pray that we just keep diving close into Him as the uncertain things start to build in pressure. I pray that our hearts of just wanting simple obedience, humility, and walking in integrity would expand through all of this, even with all the pressure of uncertainty upon us. But for now, I am just amazed that when you do say yes to God, He brings the grace, the encouragement, the people who say exactly the right thing just when we need it, the moments where He’ll say “how about trusting Me more?,” and when we do, even more grace flows. It’s cool. Really.
For those of you who do read this, I cannot tell you how much we desire and appreciate your prayers. We haven’t asked for funding so much as we’ve asked for prayer, because we know how much we need your prayer support. It’s the prayers of the saints that really encourage us. Please pray for our teammates as fundraising has been a struggle, and as they’re also feeling the pressure of so many unknowns. Please pray for all the steps in the visa process as that is an area we have to fully trust God in. Please pray for Scotland as we know that HE has called us there and His heart is for the Scottish people. Please just keep those prayers coming! They are needed and so valued.
And if God is asking you to yield or step out in any area of your life, say yes. It’ll be worth it.