I’m going to try to condense a bunch of thoughts into one blog and hopefully make sense.
Sometimes I feel that the Lord has really had to work on teaching me one lesson – waiting on Him. For some reason, I had to wait 28 years to meet my husband, 31 years to meet my son, and who knows how many years to (hopefully) meet my daughter. I’m still waiting to see many of my lifelong dreams and desires come true. I’ve been through many seasons of disappointment, letdown, discouragement, and temptation to just give up. I’ve also been through seasons of hope, faith, excitement, and lots of dreaming. Then I come to moments when I decide to just put those things on the shelf and leave them there and moments when I’m earnestly grab onto a dream and fight for it.
Right now, I’m in a season of expectation. And it’s a nice season, because I’m old enough now to know that a.) things happen in God’s timing, but b.) He does desire that we sow in prayer, faith, preparation, and expectation that these things will happen. There are seasons of laying our desires and hopes on the altar and seasons where He says “ok, take this back and start believing me for it.” The ironic thing though is that in this season I’m believing for things that have no natural evidence at all. If I simply look in the flesh or at my circumstances, I could feel very discouraged and very out of hope, because it seems like things are progressing in downward in the opposite direction of where we’re wanting to go. Yet I feel peace; like no matter what happens, we’ll be okay. I don’t even know how to prepare except to continually seek the Lord, build up my faith, and thank Him for what is coming.
And as a way to build up my faith, I’ve been thinking back over the past and how God has always come through (even at the last moment) and brought the answers that we have needed in the time that we needed them. And as I reflect on that, I have confidence that He will again do that for us. I can trust my God. We used to sing a song (which I think we learned in Jamaica) that says, “He will not let you fall, He will not let you fall, His is never weary, and He will not let you fall.” That gives me great comfort, because I can rest in His arms and just look at Him and not how things appear. Life may not happen the way that I planned, but I can confidently rejoice and thank the Lord for His plans as they are good (and even better than my own).
And lastly, I need to give a sidenote to yesterday’s post. As I mentioned, I have loved reading Francine Rivers’ new novel, but for those that haven’t read it, I will say that it’s not like her Mark of the Lion series or Redeeming Love. It’s about the struggles of a family. And the reason I can relate to it is not because of how the characters struggle, but how they progress through their struggles. I tend to be my own worst enemy, and I tend to struggle through things that other people may not. I like books where characters have to work out who they are and where they’re going; I like that because that’s been a strong theme in my life; hence the title of this blog “The Beauty of Progress.”