[dropcap style=”font-size: 60px; color: #9b9b9b;”] I [/dropcap]f I haven’t said it before (which I’m sure I have), I’ll say it now: Sundays are not my favorite day. I wish they were as I love going to church, but that’s about the only good part of the day. The rest is followed with rushing to cleaning jobs, juggling the kids, attempting to get naps in somehow, then getting home to tidy the house before Monday. Yuck. And yesterday was not the brightest of Sundays, as we took two cars into Boulder so that I could pick Ryder up after the first cleaning job, yet when we arrived to the first cleaning job, we realized that we were missing one important item – the keys to the offices that we clean. Sheesh louise. So Ezzy and I headed to pick up Ryder, while Mark headed back to Longmont to grab the kids, then back to Boulder to do both jobs by himself. 🙁 Poopy. It stinks to only have one family day, and it stinks for my husband to only have one day off a week. Really stinks after 4 years of doing it. And it’s been a continual prayer that we’d be delivered from these jobs . . .
Which leads me to the sermon that mi papa preached yesterday. My dad is a great pastor/teacher/preacher. I’m biased, but he really, truly is. I love attending a church where I’m fed every time that I go. And we have great worship on top of that. Blessed. So my dad is doing a series on faith, and seeing how I’ve not had a great history of walking in rest/faith, it’s been a good series for me to hear. This striving lady is becoming a resting lady, and I’ll take as many teachings on faith, rest, Hebrews, etc. as I can get.
And I need to back track for a sec. Since our trip to Europe, Ryder has been in a don’t-leave-me phase. He refuses to go to Sunday School, and seeing how we already battle with him regarding preschool, we don’t fight him on Sunday School. Maybe we should, but I figure that in a few weeks, he’ll get the desire to go again. I somehow hope that the worship and Word soak into him while he sits in the adult service. So for now though, the agreement is that he can sit with us in the service if he’s quiet. If he’s loud or gets up, he has to go to class. And let’s just say that he behaves wonderfully – shockingly enough. So yesterday, Mark had to man the video camera and film the service, while I sat with the Rydester. And halfway through the service, my dad stopped and had us all just sit quietly and give up the areas in life where we’re striving, wrestling, needing wisdom, etc. We were to just focus on God and let Him be the I AM in that area. So as I asked God to be I AM in a whole lot of areas, my son came next to me as he realized that we were all praying. I rubbed his back while I focused on the Lord and got all my worries cast on Him. And it was perfect timing really as Mark and I have a whole lot of areas where we need wisdom, provision, solutions, etc.
There are many moments in my day where I lose my joy, my peace, my patience, my focus and instead, let worries, frustration, impatience, etc. overwhelm and take over. Typically, those are also the moments where Ryder chooses to have a temper tantrum or Ezra chooses to throw my phone in a sink full of water, and I completely lose my temper. And my firstborn is so sensitive to my moods. He mirrors my actions, and it’s been very humbling. Motherhood has been a process that has revealed many of my flaws (even more so than marriage), and it’s a daily surrender to ask for help in how to not be an impatient, yelling mommy.
Yet yesterday, as I rubbed Ryde’s back, and ask I communed with my God and focused on all that Jesus has done for us, all the miracles that God has done already in our lives, all the blessings that we have – Ryder being one of them – I just allowed peace to surpass all the worries, all the decisions, all the thinking that I typically do. God knows where we’re at. He always has. Do I trust Him enough to allow Him to work through our mistakes, to fix bad decisions, to lead us, to provide, and to give us wisdom? Can I let go and just let His peace, mercy, grace, and joy flow through me REGARDLESS of what’s going on around me? My kids know that I’m not perfect. Yet if I truly trust Him, I can walk in peace even when I realize that my phone is floating in the sink . . . or when we face decisions and have no idea which way to go. Or when we drive 30 minutes to clean and realize the keys are not with us. We can still choose to allow peace to rule and reign. And when we blow it, we can choose to accept His grace and get right back into joy and peace. We can maneuver through this life as we know that He is trustworthy. He is the great I AM.