As if we don’t have enough going on right now, I’ve been trying to tackle a major to do list. So I randomly chose one job off my list and dove in to purging my daughter’s bedroom as hers is the smallest, yet it’s always in the process of clothing moving in and out. She finally jumped right into 12 month summer clothes, so I decided to (sadly) pack up everything under that size. Wow, it’s hard to box up the clothing of your last baby. It’s very bittersweet. If we weren’t planning to put the house up for sale, I’m not sure that I could do it now as it just cements the fact that my baby is almost 1 and is more like a toddler and less like a baby.
And yet, like with everything, when we’re getting ready to leave one season and cross over into the next, it always seems that the season we’re leaving is so beautifully perfect. Even as messy as our house currently is, I keep looking at it and thinking that everything is so beautiful. 😉 And I’ve been driving through our little town (that I have NOT loved for the past 6 years) and thinking about all my memories from going to high school here to then returning 10+ years later and raising a puppy, then our first son, then a second son, and on it goes. Plus, with all the rain that we’re getting, everything looks so perfect, including our weed filled yard! Like we’re just living in the perfect world and I’m trying to grab at every last beautiful view before we’re off and into the unknown.
About 10 years ago, a good friend encouraged me to make a big move even though my current life was really, really good. He passed onto me the wisdom of leaving something in the best state possible as it will help so much in starting the next thing in the best way possible. So over the past few weeks, I keep thinking on that as it’s really how I feel right now. As tumultuous and busy as our past 6 years have been, we’ve learned and grown so much. Not much of it as been easy at all, yet we’ve come into a sort of contentment with just making the most of what we have. When even the weeds look green and healthy, and I’m totally not bothered by them, then we know Micah has hit a new level of contentment in life. And really, we have settled into a good life, BUT Mark and I both have dreams and callings that we know are still out there. They’re waiting for us to grab hold of them. We can’t continue our life of 3 jobs, 1 car, no free time, and just mostly chaos if we ever want to truly do what’s on our hearts.
So we’re letting go of everything, running after God with all that we have, and enjoying the beauty of Him in the midst of all things. I’ve truly come to this realization in life that if we just look to Jesus and set our focus on Him, He changes our perspective. No matter what we’re going through, all things pale in comparison to His beauty. All things are made okay when all we see is Him, because He gives an eternal perspective. He beautifies all things.
I may tearfully pack up baby clothes, box up my treasured books, and put a lot of hard work into pulling weeds in order to beautify our house for someone else to buy, but I do it with the hope that God sees all, knows all, and is directing us. My eyes are set on Him, and I know He’s given me this new lens to look at everything in a beautiful light. I will treasure every moment of what we’re planning to be our last year here. I will take everything in to be stored as favorite memories to remind my boys of when we had this fabulous big backyard, when we lived in this cute American town, when their favorite park was the train park. All of these I will store in my heart and count my blessings one by one . . . and then I will do the same with next year and the year after.
And this post has gone in the opposite direction of where I meant for it to go, so I’ll just leave you with this song as it has played in my head continually for the last week or so. But I just encourage whoever reads this to just look at Jesus. Look at His beautiful heart that was so filled with love, compassion, joy, and peace. Gaze at Him until you start to see beauty in your circumstances. It’ll be worth it.