How fast did November fly by? I feel like I can’t keep up with how quickly life is passing . . . it’s truly feeling like we’re living in a whirlwind right now. So I’m just going to quickly process my thoughts of what has happened recently and what we’re anticipating for the next few months. I guess this will be heavy on the thoughts of what we’re walking in right now.
Right before Thanksgiving, we mailed off all of the applications for the kids’ British passports. They say it takes about 3 months to hear back from the British government, so I guess we just wait. We have researched the options on a visa for me, and due to my stress level regarding the issue, we’ve just put it on hold for now. Due to how hard it is to get a spouse visa to live in the UK now, we’re thinking that I will just apply for a family visitor visa and then when we get to the UK, get settled, find a job for Mark, etc. I will then apply for a spouse visa. This topic is really difficult as it’s so expensive, so detailed, and so heavy on requirements that I think for my own mental health this is the best plan for us for right now.
Mark’s current job continues to be an adventure as many of his co-workers are searching for new jobs before the hospital begins to shut his office down. So it’ll be interesting to see the timing of how everything works out; interesting to see if he’ll still have a job here in June or if it will have ended before that. Thankfully, we’ve felt none of the stress that his co-workers are feeling, which has freed Mark up to really talk to them about the Lord and really encourage them to seek God in all of this. We both can see that God has His hand on this and will work the timing out perfectly.
And really, I’m finding myself in this weird place of really loving so many areas of our life right now – living close to my parents and my grandma, being content in our little house with the big yard, loving on our dog, and really appreciating the schools that the boys are in and our church. We’re so happy with all of those areas that when we think of moving in 6 months it is starting to feel painful. Those ties and pains of homesickness can be felt already. Yet on the other hand, it also feels like the era of living here is definitely closing. I could list out all of the reasons, but I’ll spare you the details. I just keep getting this sense of things closing. Like if I had a big checklist of every detail in our life, you could see the items that are being checked off. Over the weekend, Mark was listing some of our furniture on Craigslist, and as he added the very first piece of furniture that I bought after I graduated from CU, I told him that it really feels that my life/past in Colorado is ending. It’s a bittersweet feeling to say the least. I won’t miss the place of my birth, but I will miss many details and people involved in our life here.
As we discuss the next 6 months, and as we know that it’s God who works the timing and will have to work out all of the details, we know that we’re definitely in His hands. We have no idea how to sell a house, no idea of the timing or the way that our finances are going to work out (we have quite a giant mountain of finances to overcome) and it’s all very scary. I’ve stopped looking too far ahead as it’s just too much. My firstborn is also feeling it as he keeps asking things like, “Mom, can we take our food to Scotland?” “Mom, can I have a birthday party with my friends before we move? Can I get small presents that I can take on the airplane?” “Mom, I don’t want to leave my school friends.” I can hear his questions and the anxiety behind them as he’s trying to picture what life will be like. I can feel the anxiety he’s feeling when he thinks about leaving our loved ones. Yet I can only answer the questions that I know the answers to; otherwise, I simply tell him that we just don’t know. We’ll all find out together.
So in conclusion, we had such a good Thankgiving and enjoyed our family and friends so much, yet the idea that it might be our last Thanksgiving here was feeling heavy. I was still feeling that heaviness as we went into church yesterday morning. Yet as we joined in to worship the Lord and as I focused on Him and just loving how good He is, my heart went back to the whole reason behind everything, which is Him. This past year, I’ve learned and prayed so much about simple obedience, surrender, giving our all for Him, and that all includes leaving our family and our home. Surrender includes ALL OF IT. And that’s so much easier said than done. I know that this will be a path that we take one step at a time, and it will be one that requires constant surrender. So as I sang, prayed, and just poured my heart out to the Lord in worship, He refreshed me with confirmation, assurance, and encouragement that we are on the right path. We are headed in the right direction. He sees and He knows. He is directing our steps and the best thing I can do is just worship Him. I don’t need to think too far ahead and get myself anxious and worried, because He is ordering my steps. He knows the future, and He wants me to enjoy today. So it’s a one step at a time process with Him as my focus. And so I’ll leave this here with this Scripture as it’s clearly where it’s at –
Psalm 37:23 KJV
The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord; and He delighteth in His way.
Psalm 37:23-24 AMP
The steps of a [good] man are directed and established by the Lord when He delights in his way [and He busies Himself with his every step]. Though he falls, he shall not be utterly cast down, for the Lord grasps his hand in support and upholds him.
(And before I finish this – I wanted to add this update as well. If you read my last post, you know that we were to take Eden to a pediatric surgeon to have her examined. Well, long story short, we got the best report we could have gotten, AND God even provided the finances to pay for the appointment. We were so thankful and happy as we left the doctor’s office that day. I think the current day church has really missed out due to not focusing on the GOODNESS of God. Instead, we try to fit our theology around why someone wasn’t healed, or why this trouble is happening in our lives, or why we can’t pray with full faith because it may not be His will, and as a result, we get our focus on those things. Yet really, the focus should always be God’s goodness and what He has promised in His Word. Mark and I went into that doctor’s office knowing that God did not put a growth on our child. No where in His Word does He say that He puts sickness on us; in fact, He promises health and healing. So we were in full faith that God’s goodness would shine through as He loves and adores our girl (just as He loves all of us). His healing power would be evident and His provision would be there. That is what we put our faith in, and He kept His promise. He’s a promise keeping God!! And He is so good all of the time.)