“Light Of Your Face”
(originally by Misty Edwards)
Oh Lord bless me and keep me
Cause Your face to shine on me
Lord be gracious
Lift the light of Your countenance
Give me peace
For I live only to see your face
So shine on me
Let the light of Your face shine down on my heart
And let me feel it
I woke up with this song on my heart, and it has played over and over in my head all morning. I live only to see Your face, so shine on me. How accurate is that?! How often do I look up and wait for Him to shine Himself on my face? How often do I deal with 3 little ones and all their drama and needs (which are very real to them) and think right, I feel like crud and have for 2 weeks, and when do I get a break?! Very selfish of me, I know, but it’s reality. Motherhood with 3 under the age of 4.5 is hard. It’s a LOT of work. Transporting all of us in our one car to 3 jobs, one preschool, and many babysitters is a lot of work. So I’m allowed to be weary. I’m allowed to do a laundry protest . . . until it’s piled so high that I realize I’ve done myself a huge disservice. 🙂
We’re allowed to be tired . . . but thankfully, we don’t have to stay there. When I’m weary, not wanting to face my day, not wanting to get up, I can draw on His strength. I can remind myself that I live for His face. I live for Him. And in living for Him, I suck it up and put a loving, kind smile on my face and CHOOSE to patiently clean up my toddler’s spilled milk, my baby’s vomit, and my 4 year old’s muddy jeans. I choose to do acts of service that glorify Him and that demonstrate love for my children. I choose to not complain about having to go to work when I feel cruddy, because it’s an act of service to help put food on the table, to help pay the utility bills, and to keep our little family running smoothly.
Everything in life is a daily choice. Everything. So I either choose well and reap the benefits, or choose badly and waste this life.
And yes, I know this is a season. I know I will miss the little years. I will miss having such a good job to go to (one where I get time to just QUIETLY get my work done). Life only gets busier as our kids get older; I realize that. I also realize that when one child starts to dress himself, or when I have only have to clean one bum, rather than 3, life will also feel a bit cheerier. Every stage is a season of both good and bad. Mine is just a tiring one right now . . . and this snowy, cold winter has not helped in getting rid of colds or in getting rid of the pent up energy of two housebound little boys. Spring will come, and life will look a bit brighter. So until then, my face is up while His light shines on me.