[dropcap style=”font-size: 60px; color: #9b9b9b;”] T[/dropcap]his is most definitely our last baby . . . at least the last one to come from this body. It’s bittersweet really. I’m not wanting to rush through this pregnancy as I’m wanting to enjoy all of it, and I’m not ready for us to become 5 yet. I’ve been spending more time sitting with my boys, especially before they can’t fit on my lap anymore. I’ve let them stay up later to sit and read with me, sit on the couch together more so that we can all cuddle, and have taken them out for ice cream more. I really need to stop that one as I seem to be piling on the pounds . . . but I’m just enjoying my time of being mama to two boys. I don’t want to forget these days. Ezra grew out of the baby phase so quickly, and I don’t want to lose him as my “baby” yet. Nor do I want to put more responsibility on Ryde as the oldest. Yet amazingly enough, he is the most excited about the baby. He talks about it every day. Makes my heart smile.
And I’ve started feeling this baby move on a regular basis now. That also makes my heart smile. As I wrote two weeks ago, I’ve had some concerns during this pregnancy, and I had a list of things to talk about with the mid-wife at my last appointment. Well, as it turns out, she had some concerns for me as well. So we found out that a.) a cyst was discovered on my ovary at the last ultrasound. It’s not big enough to cause a lot of concern, so she told me they were going to check it again at this next ultrasound. b.) it’s back to baby aspirin to keep my blood pressure regulated. I was kind of hoping that this would just be left alone, but no. c.) due to my c-section and due to the way that I carried Ezra (Mr. 8lb 13oz), which was straight out front like a basketball, my stomach muscles are in complete disarray. Enough to cause concern about how I will be able to carry this baby. We discussed this a long time, discussed a lot of options, and left with the mid-wife having a list of things to look into. We’ll find out more at the next appointment. The job for me though is to keep my weight gain to very minimal (Lord, help me!) and to do lots of prayer! She didn’t mention the prayer, but this mid-wife has seen me through all my pregnancies. So she knows that we’re praying people, and she gave me a list of things that we really need to happen in order for me to carry full term, have a smooth labor, and a natural delivery. Needless to say, I will need to go to physical therapy after having this baby in order to get my stomach into some kind of usable shape. As it is now, I’m high risk for hernias and damage to my internal parts (whatever is exposed there).
Truthfully, I left feeling overwhelmed. As I’ve mentioned before, due to both pregnancy/childbirth histories, we already have a long list of things to check, monitor, be aware of. I can’t get into fear about any of it. Yet I was not prepared for the list to get longer. I think I spent the rest of the day in a fog. I didn’t want to hear any of what we discussed, yet I could hear the Lord telling me consistently that nothing is impossible, He has this baby, He has my body, and He knows what is needed. I can present all of my concerns to Him in prayer; I don’t have to worry. I do need to take care of myself and lay off the junk food. But I don’t have to just dwell in the place of what if?? As soon as we found out that we were expecting this baby, we started to pray for the pregnancy, the laobr, and the delivery. It’s all already in His hands; I need to leave it there. So once I got beyond the feelings realm and into the faith realm, I haven’t looked backward. I’m not worrying about it. I also went up for prayer at church on Sunday regarding the cyst as that is never something that you want to have, especially when located so close to where baby is. So I wanted to get extra prayer support. And I left church feeling good, looking forward to the ultrasound, believing that the ultrasound will show that the cyst is gone, and just confident that baby and I are in the Secret Place of the Most High. That’s our dwelling. And that settles it.
So somehow, I’ve got to start walking, I’ve got to watch what I eat, and I’m hoping that the mid-wife brings back lots of positive news/encouragement about ways to help assist my stomach muscles in carrying this baby. We’re hoping that stomach exercise and a belt/belly band will be all that’s needed, but she’s waiting to confirm that with a therapist. And we also made the appointment for the 20 week ultrasound, which Ryder is going to go to as well. We’re so excited! So looking forward to seeing our little one.
Lastly, as I was washing dishes and thinking about being at week 17 and having no idea of a boy name for baby. The girl name was picked about 5 years ago, but we agreed to not discuss boy names this time because we’ve already been through this twice. There are zero names for boys that we agree on. Hence the reason that Mark named Ryder and I named Ezra. So we didn’t want baby naming stress this time. Yet it’s felt weird to me that baby either gets called a female name or baby. I like having my children named in the womb. So I was thinking and washing and then went on with the rest of the night. Then, not more than 2 hours later, Mark comes over and asks out of the blue, “hey, what do you think about this boy name, _______?” I loved it!! We discussed it again before bed and went to bed with a name picked. Yay!! So Baby is named. And that settles it. God is good and worth trusting, baby is in his hands, and that pretty much settles it as well.