Sheesh man, it’s been a crazy busy week. And all of September is going to be crazy busy. I don’t like it. Nor do I like the fact that my 3 month old has caught a bit of a cold and slept in his car seat in his crib last night. Thankfully though, Ezra keeps on smiling. I pray that my sweet baby stays happy and smiling his whole life. It’ll make life easier on him (and me). Meanwhile, his brother has been cranky, clingy, and just difficult. I’ve decided that Ryder has an attitude about me going to work. He does not cooperate with me in the morning, and when I tell him that I have to go to work, it gets worse. So I’ve got to come up with another way of getting him to easily work with me in the morning that doesn’t involve telling him where I’m going. Anyway, sorry, tangent . . . .

Tomorrow night, the Justice Project is putting on our annual Elegant Evening of Art and Music, and can I just say that it’s a lot of work? I love volunteering, I love serving, and I love doing things for good, important causes. Yet I’m finding that it’s a challenge to not stress through event planning as it’s a struggle to find faithful help. Brigdet, Hav, and I have a few good ladies who I love, love, love as they bend backwards to help. Actually, we have a few good men as well. 🙂 But I wish we had more volunteers. I wish people realized how much hard work goes into things. And I wish I wouldn’t stress as much. This week was a challenge as well, because Ezzy’s been under the weather, I’ve been tired, and things and people have fallen through. So we’ve had to come up with some alternate planning, and we’ll be working most of the event rather than enjoying it. Yet in the end, I know it will be worth it, we’ll all have a great time, and a worthy cause will have been supported.

I’m just going to need a major amount of sleep next week . . .

So in order to keep up with everything, I’ve found myself praying a lot lately. More than usual. And it’s been good in that I just keep casting it all onto Him. I keep telling Him what’s happening, asking for help, and asking for a right attitude. One thing I know for sure is that God blesses faithfulness. Yet faithfulness is more than just doing a duty. We can do the things that we have to do and know to do, but the attitude behind them makes a difference. And God’s really been putting that on my heart lately. If I’m really called to do what He’s placed on my heart, can I then do it with a right heart? Not resenting that it’s a lot of work, there’s little help, I’ve got 500 other things I have to do, and I want to sleep and have fun like everyone else . . . yet it’s not about everyone else. God called me to be faithful. What He’s called everyone else to is not my concern. He’s asked me to obey Him, not look around at what everyone else is doing. Really, it’s the hard lesson of the Prodigal Son’s older brother. Am I scowling and pouting because the lazy, partying younger brother came home and still got blessed regardless of his actions? Or am I doing what God has called me to and rejoicing in it?

God’s given me a faithful lady to partner with, and all this year, she’s reminded me that God has called us to use what’s in our hand. Meaning what He blesses me with, what He speaks to me, what He calls me to is what I’m to busy myself with. There’s a lot of wisdom there.

And to end this, earlier this week, I was sitting in the car, parked and waiting for Mark to drop off the boys. It was raining out, so I didn’t want to wait outside of the car like I normally do. I noticed that Mark had his Bible on the seat, so I thought I’d read and wait. I’m reading through the book of Romans (again), and chapter 2 hit me like a rock. It’s all about judging others and why we are not to judge others. It’s not our place. Not our responsibility, and in fact, it gets us in quite a bit of trouble. The words hit me hard with conviction. How many times do I judge why someone is not at church? Why they’re out doing this and this while I’m at a cleaning job? How many times do I judge and speak harshly of a stranger who’s just been rude or who has commented about my son’s behavior? How many times do I compare my life, my situation with another’s? A lot. And it’s not pretty. So I repented. Truly repented. I talked to God about my attitude, about my thoughts, about my judgments. I told him that I don’t want to do it anymore. I want a right heart. No matter what this world throws at us, I want a right heart. And I need His help to do it.

So I now look forward to our very, very busy weekend that will not involve rest at all. I will do everything that I do tomorrow and Sunday with a thankful heart. Thankful that God has put things in my hand to do. Thankful that He’s given me a heart to obey Him and help others. And thankful that He doesn’t give up on me as I’m quite the slow learner. My progress is not slow, but hopefully, it will be steady.

P.S. Because I write these when I can get my thoughts down and then post them later, I somehow tend to lose all formatting . . . kind of ugly, but oh well.

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