To say that this last year has been one that has been filled with growth would be an understatement. I’ve felt like 2014 has been a year of rework as every part of me has been stretched and pushed to grow. It hasn’t been easy or lovely, but it’s been good.
Last year at this time, we didn’t know what we were doing or where we were headed in life. We were praying about where to enroll Ryder into school, how to afford putting Ezra in school, and pondering the opportunity to move to Edinburgh. I had no idea where 2014 would take us or where we would end up, and I can honestly say it proved to be a better year than I could have dreamed of. So as I sit here now and ponder 2015, I am praying about the following:
Leadership – somehow, I have fallen into a leadership position that I have felt totally unprepared or unqualified for. I have strong leadership tendencies (strong, first born that I am), but I’ve always tried to temper them as I don’t tend to like people who are pushy, bossy, know it all, or in control of it all. My style is to just sit back and step in if and where I’m needed. Yet I think that I’ve almost run or hid from leadership roles as I don’t have any confidence in leading as a female. I’ve even tried to get out of it as I know how well women in leadership can be received. I’ve had some major concerns about leading a team to Scotland and knowing that the pastors there may not be as welcoming to a female leader as my own church is. Yet it seems that I’m not going to get out of it, and in fact, it’s time to dive into it and do it well. This has been a huge stretching process. I’m preparing to teach a class in January on Developing Leaders, and it’s actually come at the perfect time as I’m teaching myself as I go. I’m seeing the idea of leadership so differently as it’s all about servanthood, love, and pulling out the best from your teammates. It’s showing me that true leadership is actually more similar to my heart as it is not at all coming from a bossy, know everything, take over, bulldoze, etc. type of mentality. It’s showing me that servant leadership is exciting and challenging; it’s something that God has equipped me to do, even on the difficult days when it feels far above me.
Fundraising – I have been dragging my feet on this as I do not like to ask for anything, especially money. This is a hard step to take as it’s so much easier to be self-sufficient. We have worked 3-4 jobs between us for 6 years, so to step out and not be reliant on being a dual income family is a big, hard step. Yet I keep feeling that God wants us to walk through this door, because there are people that He wants to partner with us. There are individuals who can’t go to Edinburgh, but want to be a part, and we need to open the door to that through fundraising. Oy. Lord, please help us on this one . . .
And lastly, moving – there are so many things to pray about regarding the details of our move. I haven’t even known how to approach this or how to ask God about it. I know we need His help, provision, wisdom, and timing. I just don’t know how to do the upgrades that our house needs, how to find the time between our 4 jobs, or how to approach selling a house while also trying to finish out the school year, work our jobs, take care of a toddler and a dog, and work within the timing of a visa for me. Yikes. We’re so desirous of all prayer when it comes to this. It definitely feels out of our depth.
Yet through everything, I know that God knows all of this. He has a plan, and He just asks me to trust Him and take it step by step. I’ve written about that in almost all my previous posts, so it’s obviously been a big area of growth for me. I think that as I move more into my upper 30s I’m changing into someone who really just desires humility, kindness, and obedience. In some ways, I’m going back to who I was in my early years as I just want to please and obey God. His heart and His true love is people, and so I want to love people. I want to see Jesus in the Scottish man on the street, in the immigrant single mom, and in my brother and sisters in Christ. I want to go to Scotland and serve. Of course, that also means serving here while we’re here. It means practicing now. And that, more than anything else, is my heart for while we’re still in the US – learn to walk in love in the every day tasks of life. As we learn to practice that, something tells me that it will make our transition to Scotland so much easier.
So I realize that my past few posts have been very repetitive; I tend to process through repetition as that helps me to fully get it. I apologize to the reader though as I’m sure it can get boring after a while. So if you’ve stuck with me, thank you. And if you’re praying with us and for us, I so appreciate it. We do not take anyone’s prayers or support for granted.