I’m sure that if I dug through my 8 years of writing on this blog I would find a post very similar to the one I’m about to write. Yet sometimes, when we’re in times of feeling like we’re in the fire, it’s good to go back to the areas of life where God has walked us through to victory and remind ourselves of those lessons and those victories. So this is one of those times.
We had a fantastic missions conference at our church last week, and then stress came, criticism knocked, the to do list decided to get out of control, tiredness hit, and bad moods entered. My kids have been what little ones tend to be – curious, ornery, into everything, and just wanting to eat junk and have fun. But dealing with 3 of those at a time can be tiring. Especially when mama needs to work from home, head to one job, then the other, plus do everything else that a mom does. And to be fair to myself, we’re also in the middle of getting our house ready to sell, applying for visas/passports, paying off debt, and preparing for Mark’s parents to come visit. So I have an abnormally large amount on my plate.
And I’m not managing it well at all!!
My first son and I are very alike in our perfectionist tendencies; I’ve given up a lot of those tendencies as I’ve aged. But he has not. I can tell when he’s feeling like he will not do it right, so he won’t do it at all. I can tell when I’m doing the same thing. When I get overloaded, I just stop. I can’t clear through the overwhelmed feeling to get through to the one thing at a time, just do your best, and it’ll be okay feeling. So I hit the overwhelmed, get crabby, worked up, upset, and then finally, have to say, God, I can’t do it. When I hit that point where I know that Micah cannot move forward by herself, then He always comes in.
So the question is why don’t I start there? Why don’t I start from a place a rest? Why do I let everything get out of control and then decide to rest simply out of exhaustion? Can I get an amen on that?!
Now fast forward to this morning – I spent quite a while in the dentist chair yesterday as he fitted me for a retainer that did not want to fit. He sent me off saying that he really hoped I could get it off at home. Well, this morning, after a long battle with the retainer, and after a lot of prayers, I realized that I have to beat this stress thing. But I won’t beat it through anything that I, Micah, can do. I can only beat it by resting. Ironic, huh? The simple truth is that we will not sell this house if God does not work on our behalf. We will do our part of remodeling it with the funds we have and to the best of our ability, but after that, He has to do the rest. And we will not get all that we need to get a spouse visa (which is very difficult to obtain now), if He doesn’t move on our behalf. So I can work, strive, stay up every night making sure all our paperwork is perfect and I can plan and save every penny, but if it’s not God, then it won’t matter.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that a stressed, crabby mom is no good to anyone. And I can either get totally overwhelmed by all that I need to do, or I can take it one hour at a time, with an attitude that Jesus is my Strength, my Ability, and my Wisdom. I can make the most of the next 9 months and turn them into many moments of victory, or I can totally make my family miserable – so much so that by the time Spring comes we’re all exhausted and not even wanting to move. You know?
And yes, this post sounds very familiar, so if you’ve stuck this far with me, then thank you. I needed to write it in order to get my thoughts where they need to be – on Him. Resting = faith. When we’re resting in Him, we’re confident that He will show us what to do, when to do it, and how to do it. We’re confident that He is working in us and through us. We’re confident that He knows the end from the beginning, and He’s got it. So on that note, I’m headed into a very full day, but unlike yesterday, I’m reminding myself that He is my Strength and my Help. So we’ll check off some items on the to do list, and if they don’t get done today, they’ll still be there tomorrow!
P.S. Today is my baby girl’s first birthday. She is my daily reminder of how well God answers prayer. So I’m enjoying her, rejoicing in how God gives us such beautiful gifts, and reminding myself that she’s growing so quickly so I had better enjoy it!! Even if she is eating paper, pulling toilet paper off the roll, constantly climbing, and always wanting to be held, I’m just thankful that she’s a healthy, happy one year old! 🙂