[dropcap style=”font-size: 60px; color: #9b9b9b;”] I [/dropcap]have about 2 months of stuff to process, and I still have not found the time or space to do so. I will say the hardest part about having 3 kids is the noise, mess, and lack of time. 2 boys are noisy and messy enough by themselves, but when it’s 2 boys + 1 crying, spitting up baby, it’s a lot. I have so much admiration for moms who have more than 3 kids. I don’t know how they do it. I also don’t know how to live in 950 sq feet. I feel like the roof is caving in on us as there is just no room. I’m coping better with it now than I have in the last few weeks, as I’ve purged more and more. But I so need an office to put all of the paperwork, important things that I don’t want the kids into, cookbooks, and just random/important stuff that belongs to Mark and me. And my boys so need their own rooms for nap time. I’ve finally just let one child nap on the couch while the other sleeps in his bed; it makes nap time much easier.
Simple, easy, straightforward, and anything else along those lines is where it’s at for me. I don’t cope with much more right now, and honestly, I think that’s okay. I think it’s healthy to say that my plate is full, I know what I can and can’t handle, and that’s that. Our baby still gets up at 11pm, 3am, and 7am, and so we’re tired. Tired people should not try to do more than they can handle as it just doesn’t work . . . even with coffee. So I’m letting go of more perfectionist tendencies and just letting it be what it is, which is a bit chaotic and loud. I’m realizing that I’m a better mom when I just pick and choose my battles . . . just as all the older, wiser moms say . . . 🙂
Yet the thing that I always love about life with God is that He always calls us closer during chaos. And I’m smart enough to answer the call. I know that I cannot make it through my day without time spent with Him, even if it’s just prayer time while in the shower and a short devotion time while all 3 kids are napping. Time with Him is just a necessity. Period.
Moreover, I’m feeling the need to take it one step further and say that I’m also needing more time to pour out. I rarely get time to socialize, let alone do anything that is not work or child related. And when I do get to socialize or teach at the Bible school or in our church’s healing room, I get so much out of it. So much good comes from just talking about the Lord, talking about faith, talking about how we can help and encourage each other. It’s so, so good for the soul and the spirit. And I’m needing to do it more. But it’s just a struggle to figure out how. I would love to attend a mommy group or Bible study, yet haven’t found one that works with my schedule. I would love to volunteer for some type of ministry, but again, haven’t found one that fits. But I’m not going to give up on it.
And lastly, something that keeps coming up over and over is what has God put on your heart to do? What dream has He consistently given? And maybe it’s time to step out with the confidence of knowing that God wants His kids walking in their giftings and some dreams are given giant green lights as He just wants us to go for it. I’m ready to go for it . . . even with as scary as stepping out can be. I’m ready to take a leap of faith and trust that if it’s not God, He’ll shut the door. I’m ready to live beyond the status quo of the American life. I heard someone say that “God has not called us to be sitters; He has called us to be goers.” I’m ready to go.
Finally, to wrap all this up, I’m also realizing we have to highlight the good in life. We got both good and bad news from Mark’s work this week, and I determined to not let the bad bum me out. God will work it out; He is such a faithful Provider. So we’ll just let Him work. And when it comes to being a mom of little ones, we have our good days and our bad days. Ryder and I had an especially bad day this week, but it was followed by a really good one. So we live and learn; take the good with the bad. It just makes me determined to focus on the good ones and learn from the bad ones; hopefully, we’ll get to the point where there is less bad and more good. On an exceptionally good day this week, I found the boys “reading” to their sister while Mark and I were getting ready. Those are the good moments in this busy life.
**This post really feels like I’ve said all of this before, and I probably have, which I apologize for. I think though that for me processing is done best in repeat form. When it’s been processed a few times, it’s ready to be acted on. So when I say I’m ready to go, I’m ready to act on a few dreams that just will not let me go. I’ve laid them down, pushed them to the back of the shelf, tried to tell God that there’s no finances for them, no time, no resources, and yet He keeps pushing them back. So I feel like that confirms them. I also feel like they are in the labor and delivery phase of child birth as the urge to push is stronger and stronger. The dividing point of saying that this is a priority in my life and this is not is also very strong right now. I’m not only choosing my battles with my kids, but I’m choosing what I will allow as a distraction in my life and what I will make as a priority. It’s a really good point in life actually, and yet I didn’t realize that until I just wrote it out. Processing, even repetitively, is also good for the soul.