[dropcap style=”font-size: 60px; color: #9b9b9b;”] I[/dropcap]’ll be honest with you . . . before I got married, I had lots of time to spend with Jesus. I was happy to walk to a park or drive to Starbucks and read my Bible, write, pray, and listen. I lived in a city by myself, away from friends and family, and wasn’t lonely because I had Him. It was easy to press in during that phase of my life. Then I met my husband, and our relationship required late night calls (very early morning for him) while I worked and was in graduate school. I was happily tired, and for the most part, I could still find time to spend with my God. Fast forward 6 months, and I was engaged, moving back home, planning a wedding and a move to England. And working. Time was getting sparse. I fully jumped into the biggest change of my entire life – married and living abroad. Time got thinner and even more sparse. And it’s never improved.
I fully feel that as a mama of two small active children I am busier than I ever have been. Plus, we live in a country that values busyness, working a lot, spending your weekends doing things, etc. Mark and I do our best to stay away from that mindset, but our lives are still very busy. I feel like I do well to a.) stay sane throughout the day with all the loudness, attitudes, demands, etc of two small boys, and b.) get meals on the table and make sure we all have clean clothes. Cleaning the bathroom, changing the sheets, doing our taxes, keeping up with all the other demands of life kind of fall into the “do at the very last moment when the situation is desperate” category. For instance, we had two vomiting children this weekend, so that forced us to clean the bathroom, the floors, the carpets, and all bedding (including stuffed animals). We’re also merging the boys’ rooms into one, and that is forcing me to dust closets, purge toys, tidy books, throw away junk, etc. But these are rare moments in life . . . sadly.
And I’m realizing this, which I’m not proud of, I press in to the Lord when we’re going through financial struggles, health battles, contentment issues, parenting battles, etc. He’s my go to Guy when I’m desperate. And I don’t like that at all. Mark and I both have big doctor appointments next week; we’re both believing for good reports for our bodies and for baby. As we approach these appointments, I feel myself praying more every day. Yet this is how I should be every single day of my entire existence; it’s how I used to be. It’s what I want to go back to.
Over the past month, I’ve been asked to teach at two things at our church. One of the teaching opportunities is to fill in every quarter at our healing room, and the other is to speak to a group of women regarding outreach, God’s heart for the needy, being His hands and feet. I don’t feel super confident about either teaching opportunity, but I know I am to do both. I also know that both things will require lots of study; both give me the ideal opportunity to dig in to the Word. But I have to be deliberate. I’m going to have to actually schedule my time (gasp!) in order to make it happen. I’m going to have to force it to become a habit. And the more that I read about women who study the Word, pursue their callings while being wives/moms, the more I realize that these woman place a high priority on Bible study, prayer time, organizing their days so that intimacy with Him is the priority. It scares me a little as I am so unstructured and so unorganized. I’m not remotely a morning person or a late night person. Yet those are my only free, quiet times in my day. So I have to pick one . . .
Lastly, I usually avoid the famous lady of Proverbs 31, because she reminds me of all my shortcomings. Yet lately, I’ve been drawn to accept the challenge of not avoiding her, but letting her be a mentor type. She was a busy, working lady who took care of all her household AND helped the poor and needy. She’s actually the type of lady that I’d really like to be. She got up early and stayed up late, and she suffered no lack due to laziness. I’ve got a lot to learn from her. And I really do feel that it all starts with spending time with Him, letting Him instruct me, letting His joy be my strength. So I am purposing to take deliberate action and to press in more than I ever have. Working, raising kids, being a wife, etc. is no excuse to not have enough time to spend more than 5 minutes a day with Him. He is worth the sacrifice of my time, and anything that I sow into Him will reap great benefits for my family, my job, and my overall happiness.