I finally did the reading that one of the mid-wives recommended that I do as preparation for my goal of a natural childbirth. It was a book on VBAC’s, and it ended with several women’s stories. It was interesting because it was all from a British perspective. Mark and I always joke that we’re so glad that I haven’t had to have my children in Britain. National Healthcare is not the greatest, and the book confirmed what I already knew. As much as I hate battling our insurance company and having to pay 10% of everything, at least I get a say in what I want and who I want for my doctor. That is worth a lot to me. It also gave me some good tips that I hadn’t really considered, so I’m starting to feel just a hair ready . . . if you can ever really be ready? I’ve also been reading my scriptures on childbirth, praying a lot, praying in the Spirit, and just focusing on getting to a peaceful place. My labor with Ryder was so long and hard, but there was such peace in the room. One of my best memories of life will be from Ryder’s labor as Mark, my mom, and I were all in the delivery room waiting. I stood up to go to the bathroom, and water gushed everywhere. I had retained so much water that it continually just poured from me. My mom and Mark just stood and stared as I stood in a giant puddle and laughed until I was almost giddy. They then started laughing, and we just enjoyed the moment. It just showed how we were able to experience joy and peace even in that type of a situation. Everyone who came into the room felt that. And I think the nurses and my mid-wife almost cried when we all agreed that it was time for an epidural and then a c-section. The anesthesiologist apologized over and over as he prepped me for the epidural. It felt like we all ran a marathon only to be stopped and unable to finish it right at the end. And talk about exhaustion by the time the c-section was over, and Ryde was out. But that’s another story . . . I’m now looking forward to Ezra Jack’s story. And I’m praying my heart out that my labor is half as long as it was with Ryder. My legs have been cramping and aching all night for the past few weeks, and it’s just like how they were during labor. It’s made me dread labor, and it’s brought back all of my memories of how my body felt. Those who say that you forget the pain of childbirth . . . they didn’t go through 31 hours. You don’t ever forget that moment in your life. So I’m now trusting my legs to the Lord as I will need them in order to push this baby out. And really, I’ve come to the place where I’m also realizing that my life and Ezra’s are in the Lord’s hands. His Word says I “can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” He got me through the birth of my first born, and He’ll get me through this one. He also knows what I’m hoping for in the birth of this baby, and I trust the outcome to Him. I feel like we’ve been beat up over the past 4 months, and that I’m going into the start of my youngest son’s life as a different person than I was with my eldest. I feel like I’m ever aware of the fact that God’s grace is enough because it’s all we’ve got! 🙂 There’s no Micah and her strength. There’s no plan, no ideals, no perfect expectations. There’s just hope and simple trust. And somehow, I have a feeling that Ezra will reflect that in his life. I see so much of me in Ryder, and I recognize so much of the first born struggles in him. My heart goes out to him as I don’t want him to be so particular, so strong willed, so having to have it just like this or just like that. Yet I also see what a strong, intelligent, talented person he’s going to become, and I hope that he learns from an early age to gather his strength from the Lord. I’ve been hoping that Ezra will take after his daddy and be so easy going, so able to just take life in stride, so aware that nothing is perfect or has to be perfect. I hope that my two boys will get to learn a lot from each other. And I hope that as difficult as Ryder’s entry was, that Ezra’s will be just the opposite. But regardless of what happens, I just want the peace of God to rule and reign over his brith like it did over Ryde’s. So at some point over the next several weeks, there will be a conclusion to this blog. I’m kind of anxious to tell you all how it turns out . . . 🙂

One thought on “preparing for childbirth

  1. Praying for the Lord to fulfill the desires of your heart in this situation. I was incredibly disappointed with my labor and delivery of Bailey and really struggled with that. When I got pregnant with Lexi I knew I wanted things different with all my heart. Then my pregnancy was filled with complications and it didn't appear that I was going to have the labor and delivery I wanted with her. However, the Lord was gracious in it all and fulfilled the desires of my heart in ways that amazed everyone involved. My doctor even made the comment that it was amazing how things turned out. Know that I will be praying for that for you.

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