[dropcap style=”font-size: 60px; color: #9b9b9b;”] F [/dropcap]or some odd reason and even though it’s been 13 years since I was in college, I still think partly in Spanish, which was my major. I wish I was currently fluent in Spanish, but I’m not. So I speak to my kids in English, followed with Spanish words, and who knows what they think. And I always think of the mom from “About a Boy” as I sometimes wonder if I’ll be as eccentric as she is . . .

Anyway, so I’ve been muy preocupada lately. Very preoccupied. I’m sure it’s due to a number of things, but I thought I’d process through a few of them.

Numero uno – I went to Ryde’s preschool orientation on Thursday and then ended up speaking to his new teacher on the phone that evening. She had mentioned that the children are not allowed to bring any personal items to preschool. Well, we have a child who is dependend on his blanket (AKA Blue B), so I thought I had better talk to her about that rule. Long story short, she basically talked to me with the end result being an unhappy mama and a child who’s been grumpy all weekend because Blue B can’t attend preschool. And before anyone thinks well, that’s why you don’t let your child get attached to a blanket . . . Ryde’s not your child. He was attached to his pacifier from day 1, and when it came time to be done with the paci, he transitioned to Blue B. And personally, I don’t have a problem with children needing something for security. He sleeps with Blue B wrapped around himself as that’s how bonded he is to it. So I’ve had to really pray, work on my attitude, talk this whole thing out with Mark, and just trust that we’re doing the right thing by putting him in this new preschool. Last night, Mark told me I could pull him out now before we can’t get our money back, and I could just teach him from home. Yet time is not really on my side. So the conversation ended with both of us firmly believing that Ryde needs to start school. He’s so intelligent, so social, so ready to do something besides playing at home, watching shows, and going to Starbucks with Hav. It’s time to really dig in to teaching as I think he will thrive. Our family doctor confirmed that as well, and I know she’s right. So it’s just a growing phase for Ryde and for me. Blue B is now confined to the house, and we’ll live. Ryde will get over the grumpiness (hopefully). It’s just hard.

Numero dos – lots of change is in the air for the Hayden family. We don’t even know what the changes are, but we feel it so strongly. Tomorrow is the anniversary of our 4th year of being back in the States, and it’s bittersweet really. August is also the anniversary of when Mark and I first met in person. 🙂 This is our 6th year of being together, and I wish I could say that marriage is so easy and we’ve had such a great 6 years. We have had quite the adventure, and I do love and appreciate him more than ever. The depth our love and relationship now vs. back then is so much deeper. I so value his friendship and partnership in this life. He’s my better half of this roller coaster ride, and I’m so thankful for him. God has brought us through some hard stuff, and we’re more mature, more grounded, and more rooted in Him than ever. In that way, marriage has been a great experience, but it hasn’t been without tears or seasons of winter. (If that makes sense?) I have no idea what the next few years hold, but I know that God’s doing some things that will change our current situations. I think it’s had both of us quite preoccupied as we take it all in, and it’s had us responding by drawing closer to Him and to each other, which is a great sign of our growth.

Numero tres – we’re in mega trip mode. Mark spoke to his parents yesterday to confirm everything and get all the details of our trip ironed out on their side. They’re so excited to see us, and we’re so excited to see them. They are so going to enjoy their grandsons.  Ryder will have so much to tell them, and Ezra is learning so many words right now. They will love speaking to both. Yet I already dread the time when we’ll have to say goodbye to them. Goodbye’s are never easy, especially when we never know if there will be another goodbye. And life is like that, isn’t it? With everything comes the joyful side of it and the heart wrenching side. I’ve been thinking on that a lot lately. Every choice has the potential of lots of good reward yet some pain as moving from one step to the next requires that we let go of something in order to grab hold of something else. It’s never easy. It’s always necessary for growth, but it’s never easy.

Preschool, change, and visiting family. That’s where we’re at, and we’re going to make the most of all of it.

Lastly, I wish I was a better photographer, but I’m currently not. It’s not in my skill set. So in honor of this post, I had to attach a photo of my new shoes. Obviously, I did not buy one of each color, but this was my debate. I’ll let you guess which color I chose. And these are my traveling shoes. 🙂 Think I’m needing to feel young again as my most recent purchases haven been skinny jeans and converse . . .

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