Ryder turns 18 months old a week from tomorrow. It seems unreal that he is that old. It also seems unreal that he has changed so much in such a short time. He thinks he’s about 18 years old and fully capable of doing everything that he wants. His legs are finally tall enough that he can climb or reach almost everything, and he’s understanding enough that he knows that he can voice his opinion on everything. It’s been quite a challenging phase to say the least.
Yesterday, after a very hard morning of Ryder trying to adapt back to the routine of going to work, I realized that I’m ready for some me time. I love my son immensely, but he and I are together from 8am (when Mark leaves for work) until 7pm (when Mark gets home). Half of our day is spent at work where I not only have to parent but also have to work in a professional environment and get my job done. But even more than that, I’m an introvert who gets her energy from time spent alone. I don’t get my energy from being around people. I need quiet, reflective, processing time. And right now, I can’t even shower without a little person popping his head in and talking to me. Nor can I even use the restroom without a little person wanting to be held.
After a very long day yesterday, Mark was very gracious and understanding and took over the care of Ryder as soon as he walked in from work. He played with Ryde and kept him out of the bathroom so that I could have 30 minutes to take a bath, unwind, be quiet, and get some time in with Bump. About every 5 minutes, I would hear banging on the bathroom door and “Ma, ma, mommy!!” followed by “Ryde, Mom is resting right now; you can’t go in.” How nice were those 30 minutes even with the banging and shouting?!
So part of my resolution for this year is to make time for me at least once a week. Whether that means that I drop Ryder off with my family for 2 hours or I find a babysitter or I even find a daycare that will take him 1 afternoon a week, I don’t know. But I know that for my own sanity I need some quiet time. And for the health of my relationship with my son, I need some alone time. So I’m praying about how this will work out and what will be best for us both, but I feel good in admitting it and realizing that I need to do something in order to be a healthy mom.