So this blog is basically dead. Very sad, but I’ve little to no time to write. However, before it’s dead for good, I need a to write out a few things. And really, these things are for me. They’re my written record of what God is doing in me. It’s also the edited version as there is a lot that is very personal that I’m not going to share on a blog.

Anyway, I have to be honest and say that I’ve really struggled since having Ryder. Not because of Ryder; he is the light of my life. He is so beautiful and sweet that he makes my heart hurt. I love that God blessed me with the privilege of being Ryde’s mom. He’s been a blessing in every way. My struggled have been with recovering from the C-section, dealing with pain every day since when I’ve never really experienced pain before, with guilt of not being able to breastfeed, guilt of working instead of being home with my baby, guilt of being too busy with jobs, housework, stuff always to be done, and mainly, just discontent because my heart is in places that I can’t be. The doors haven’t opened for me to be there . . . yet. So I’ve spent a lot of time praying. A lot of time contemplating, talking with the Lord, asking this and that and trying to get my head wrapped around things. But really, my heart has just needed time and intimacy with my God. And through my struggles of desperately wanting my full healing, wanting to do what’s on my heart, wanting to be free of junk – free of the world, of stuff, of things, of comparing myself to anyone else. I just want Him. I want all that He is. And I want my heart to break for the things that break His heart. So I’ve been in hiding with Him.

And He has rocked my world since November. 🙂 More than that though, over this past week, I got my answers. He’s answered my questions. Our God is more wonderful, powerful, kind, merciful, loving, glorious than most of us ever consider. I so look forward to entering eternity and spending it in awe and worship of Him. We got just a taste of what that will be like at the Hillsong United concert, and it excited me and blessed me. Oh and my body hasn’t hurt since Wednesday night. Can I tell you how great that is?!!!!

In closing, I’m leaving off with the lyrics to a song that Hillsong played in their movie – the iHeart Revolution. This has been my heart; this is my heart:

Oh You bring hope to the hopeless
And light to those in the darkness
And death to life
Now I’m alive
Oh You give peace to the restless
And joy to homes that are broken
I see You now
In You I’m found

And You opened the door for me
And You laid down
Your life to set me free
All that I am will serve You Lord
And You opened my eyes to see
All the wonder and awe of Christ in me
Jesus You’re everything I need

Oh You fill those who are empty
And rescue those in the valley
And through it all You calm my soul
Oh You find me in my weakness
And heal the wounds of my heartache
I worship You in spirit and truth

All honour
All glory
All praise to You

2 thoughts on “oh You bring . . .

  1. Beautiful Mic! This brought tears to my eyes to read this! I loved the sentence where you said about Ryder "He is so beautiful and sweet that he makes my heart hurt." Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful! I had no idea that you had been dealing with pain from the c-section for so long but that is awesome that you haven't had pain since Wednesday! Praise God! They did say that they were expecting healings that evening. God is good! Love you my friend.

  2. Well said! You are truly a very loving mother. So sorry that things have been so rough. I remember the first year of Bailey's life being a struggle for me. I felt like my life had been torn in a million pieces. In a good way, but it was still really hard. I am sorry to hear that you are still dealing with pain from your c-section. Have you talked with your doctor? I am very glad though that you aren't having any pain since Wednesday night. I was supposed to have gone, but was home with a sick baby instead.

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