[dropcap style=”font-size: 60px; color: #9b9b9b;”] I [/dropcap]  have a lot I want to write out, yet not much of it flows together. So we’ll start with blogging and work backwards to heart issues.

And this post has been a work in progress as I find it hard to blog in the sense that I have no idea who reads this. If it’s just a few close friends who enjoy my updates and thoughts, then great, I don’t mind sharing. I know that what I write is safe because they know me and my heart. If it’s random strangers, who just follow me as they get something from my writing, then I don’t mind sharing as it’s beneficial to someone. But if it’s someone who is somewhere in between, someone whose heart or purpose for reading my stuff is unknown, then I’m a bit hesitant. I hesitate because words can be taken wrong when the reader can’t see the face or may not know the heart of the person. That’s my biggest pet peeve with facebook; so much is taken wrongly and then commented on. It gets annoying. So the pastor’s kid in me hesitates to open up without fear of it being used against me. That weighs on me, and with that in mind, I’ll continue on.

Mark and I received a very special gift a few weeks ago as we were treated to a date night. We have about 4 date nights a year, so it was much needed and very much appreciated. Mark and I got to share heart matters, see where we’re at, discuss where we want to go, and just enjoy each other. Kind of a vital part to marriage. And during our discussion, the subject matter of purpose came up. Mark reminded me that this year (2012) is the year for me to decide on what I want to do when I grow up. 😉 By my 35th birthday, I should answer that question. And such a big question it is . . . . as my list of things I want to be looks a bit like this:

Bible school teacher
Missionary
Full-time traveler
Full-time student
Work at any mission organization/non-profit/church
Volunteer at an orphanage
Lover and collector of all things needing love
Counselor
Revivalist
Writer/blogger
Interior designer
Chef
Full-time book reader
Editor
Involved in politics
Political blogger
Ambassador
Ultrasound technician
Vet tech
CIA Operative specializing in several languages
It gets more random the further down the list we go. And here is the reality of what I am and am good at:
Wife
Mom
Part-time accounting person
Cook
Reader
Here is the reality of what I am and am not good at:
Housekeeper
Menu planner
Financial budgeter
Owner of a small cleaning business
Laundress
So I have the chef/cook thing going for me and the ability to read several books in one week. Not sure how that applies to real life. But my goal is to figure it out by December. I keep sensing an urgency to get out and do what God has created me to do. And yes, I’m doing that in the foundational things, such as wife and mom responsibilities, but there’s more to me than that. There’s the giftings and callings on me as Micah, God’s daughter. There are Kingdom matters to attend to. That is what is stirring up in me and pushing me. I just don’t know where I’m going or where to step out. 🙂
All of the above leads to this last point as I’ve been considering the issue of singleness of heart. Living my life in a way that is all about Jesus, Jesus, Jesus and everything that His heart was for. I have enough things going on in life without needing to be distracted. Facebook, pinterest, reading the news, reading blogs, etc are all great and fine, but if they’re taking over the primary purpose in one’s life, then they’re just distractions. I want to avoid that. So instead I’ve been going back to one thing that I have loved doing ever since I was a little girl, which is to read the biographies of missionaries and evangelists. Nothing excites me more than to dive into the stories of what great men and women of the faith have done. I’ve recently taken it up again to challenge and encourage myself through their writings. And I just want to share a few quotes by William and Catherine Booth, founders of the Salvation Army, as they had singleness of heart, singleness of purpose, and singleness in vision. They knew why God put them on this earth, and they were passionate followers of Him. They knew His heart was to see souls won and brought in to the Kingdom. I’m certainly not at this level, but it challenges me and encourages my heart to read these statements:
‘Not called!’ did you say? Not heard the call,’ I think you should say. Put your ear down to the Bible, and hear Him bid you go and pull sinners out of the fire of sin. Put your ear down to the burdened, agonized heart of humanity, and listen to its pitiful wail for help. Go stand by the gates of hell, and hear the damned entreat you to go to their father’s house and bid their brothers and sisters and servants and masters not to come there. Then look Christ in the face — whose mercy you have professed to obey — and tell Him whether you will join heart and soul and body and circumstances in the march to publish His mercy to the world.
In response to the criticism “You are going too fast” Booth replied,
“If anyone still wants a reply, let him ask the lost souls in Hell whose brothers and sisters are following them there. Let him go and ask the blood-washed throng in Heaven, whose eyes are wide open at last to the value of salvation. Let him anticipate the Judgment Day, and in spirit stand before the Throne and propose, if he dares, the question to God Almighty. I think from Hell, Heaven and the Great White Throne, the answer would come back; “More speed! Go faster!”
William Booth from his biography

I am tired of hearing the words “I can’t”. Jeremiah said, “I am a child”; but the Lord didn’t pat him on the back and say, Jeremiah, that is very good, I like that in you; your humility is beautiful.” Oh no! God didn’t want any such mock humility. He reproved and rebuked it. I do not like the humility that is too humble to do as it is bid. When my children are too humble to do as they are bid, I pretty soon find a way to make them. I say, “Go and do it!” The Lord wants us to “go and do it”.

Whatever the particular call is, the particular sacrifice God asks you to make, the particular cross He wishes you to embrace, whatever the particular path He wants you to tread, will you rise up, and say in your heart, “Yes, Lord, I accept it; I submit, I yield, I pledge myself to walk in that path, and to follow that Voice, and to trust Thee with the consequences”? Oh! but you say, “I don’t know what He will want next.” No, we none of us know that, but we know we shall be safe in His hands.
 
Many do not recognize the fact as they ought, that Satan has got men fast asleep in sin and that it is his great device to keep them so. He does not care what we do if he can do that. We may sing songs about the sweet by and by, preach sermons and say prayers until doomsday, and he will never concern himself about us, if we don’t wake anybody up. But if we awake the sleeping sinner he will gnash on us with his teeth. This is our work – to wake people up.

Catherine Booth

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