[dropcap style=”font-size: 60px; color: #9b9b9b;”] A[/dropcap]pparently, I say “oh my goodness” way too much as my firstborn now says it. We’ve had an infestation of spiders, ants, and earwigs in our house, and every night after the boys are put to bed, I hear a “OH MY GOODNESS! Ok, ok, ok, this is bad. Ezzy, there’s a siper (spider) on my bed.” So the boys come out and announce what they’ve found and they cannot possibly sleep till it’s gone. Daddy goes in and catches (note the catching, not killing as Mommy would do) the bug, and the three of them take it outside and release it. Meanwhile, I’ve killed probably 20 earwigs throughout the day + 50 ants and whatever kind of spiders I’ve encountered. I’m about ready to just call an exterminator. But this seems to be life in our house during a Colorado summer.
And speaking of Colorado summers, when I was a kid, they were very predictable. June was sunny in the morning with rain showers in the afternoon. It was usually HOT by the 4th of July, and July was just dry and hot, but then by August, life was pleasant. The nights were cool, and there was no fear of disease carrying mosquitos. I miss those days, and I really dislike the summers we’ve had over the past few years. I’m over it. Dry and hot is no longer my thing, and instead, I pine for cool, wet summers like those of the U.K. . . . what has happened to me? By the way, the U.K. is also having a hot summer as it’s hit 80 degrees in Mark’s hometown. Holy smokes, I knew we should have spent the summer there rather than here.
Anyway, my brain has officially checked out, as have my feet and my back. I hobble around like an old lady who forgets her keys, has giant ankles, and a bad back. We do really well to get dinner done, so house cleaning has kind of suffered. When we brought our first baby home from the hospital, the house was in pristine condition. I even spent 4 hours cleaning after my water broke as I waited for the contractions to get regular. That won’t be happening this time. I feel really badly about bringing a baby home to a dirty house, but it is what it is.
Over the past few months, I’ve had to let go of all the perfection, uptight, need to be in control tendencies that I usually live by and just let it go. And that seems to be a general theme in every area. The midwives have been asking about a birth plan, and I told them that I don’t have one. I have no idea what to expect with this one, so I’m not going in with a plan. They have all agreed that my attitude is quite correct, so we’ve let it go. I’m going in with full faith that God’s love, peace, and joy will cover us. That He will be the One who gets me through every moment and that this will be the best, complication free birth that I’ve had. Those are what I’m focusing on. But I’m not worrying about the details.
And it’s such a change for me to go from a very detailed person to no details. I’m sure I need a balance, but for right now, it’s very freeing to just go with the flow. I’ve needed to relax and not stress about the budget, if our groceries are organic/non-organic, if my kids get their 5 fruit/veg a day, if they watch less than 1 hour of TV, if our house is tidy, if I’ve made sure that my to do list is completely checked off, etc. I’ve just needed to chill out. It’s very hard to live in the US and chill out – actually, I’m sure many are chilling out, but it’s because they’re on something. I don’t want to be high on or addicted to anything but Jesus. It goes back to what I wrote in my last post – if we can’t be vessels of love to be poured out on those around us, then what are we doing? If we’re such intense, control freaks, who are anti everything, and can’t see beyond our to do list to see hurting, hopeless people, then we’re wasting our days. If I’m so structured that I yell at my kids because they’ve dirtied the floor after I’ve just cleaned it (and I’m majorly guilty of this), then I’ve got some issues. And I know I have a lot of issues, which are all coming out as I parent, but God’s grace is getting to me.
So my hope and prayer as we wait for Miss EB is that I would relax more and more. I’m praying that I will yell less, give more grace to my kids, yet keep good boundaries. Hoping that with child #3, I will come into being a balanced mom who does what needs to be done, but who doesn’t forget the big picture. Hoping to not let all the small details overwhelm the general, overall goal of who we are as a family and where we’re headed. I’m praying for more of God’s grace to cover me so that I will think first, react second. And trusting that my boys will feel more peace and joy in our house rather than tired, overwhelmed, frantic stress.
Thank God for Himself. Thank the Lord that He’s given us His Holy Spirit who imparts love, joy, peace, PATIENCE (a biggie for me), etc. Thank Jesus that He paid it all so that we could be CHRISTians walking around with love, joy, and peace to give out to others. And He even gives us the will and the ability to do it. He’s got it covered. So let’s dwell in that covering, taking it one day at a time . . .