It’s exciting times we live in . . . never know what is going to happen today or tomorrow. Just have to somehow go with it. That’s my general feeling of life in every area right now . . .
So I got this revelation the other day as I was driving to work and praying about all of my “problems”. It dawned on me that God has solutions that I’ve never even considered. Hence the reason for casting our cares and leaving them with Him. Worrying our prayers is pointless as it’s not faith. But casting our cares and living in a confident expectation is faith. And I think I’m kind of right in the middle of those two right now. I’m not carrying my cares, but I’m not in full expectation yet. I’m headed there though as I finally know that I know that when I can do nothing of my own self, then God moves in. And His solution will be so much better than what I’ve tried to plan or put together. That’s exciting really.
And one important truth that I am learning and getting a hold of is that God is not expecting perfection of me. Yesterday, my dad made a comment during his sermon about how God created us because He wanted kids. The light bulb went on for me in that moment. All of my struggles with parenting, with working and parenting, with desiring a girl, and with trying to figure out how to train my son suddenly seemed insignificant. It dawned on me that God has a far harder job of parenting than I ever have. The human race has broken His heart far more than my child has hurt mine. And God knows how long I wanted to have kids, how I hoped for a girl, and how I need so much help in parenting. He does actually get it. He didn’t just hand me a life and say okay, do this perfectly. Be the perfect mom, love your husband perfectly, keep a good attitude through all things, and if you do that, then I’ll be pleased with you. No, He just wanted kids, and He didn’t want kids that He would control like robots. He wanted kids who would simply choose to be in relationship with Him. Isn’t that what I hope for with my kids? It’s revamping my whole viewpoint of Him. And really, that’s the point. The more that we know about God, the more intimate we are with Him, the more our viewpoint of Him conforms to who He really is. Not just who we think He is. Furthermore, and this may sound silly, but I like Him more now that I’ve seen Him differently. I feel like I’ve been a kid who’s been pouting and saying Father, look where you’ve left me, look what’s happening, and look how badly I’m failing at all of it. And for a long time, I didn’t get my answer, because I wasn’t looking at Him. Once I started to look at Him and say, ok, I’m not going to fight You, but I’m going to do this cheerfully and best as I can, then He showed me His answer. And I’m thankful for that.
So I’m still having my up and down days. Still struggling with attitude (not to mention the fact that I’m due to have a baby in 6 weeks and everything possible is uncomfortable), but I am making progress. And there is something to be said for that. 😉