I’ve been thinking a lot on the lady mentioned in the second half of Proverbs 31. And I’d quote it here for you, but it’s very long. However, most of you know who I’m talking about. On the average day, I wonder how she did it all, how many servants she had, did she have a nanny for her children, etc. Yet then I notice that it says that “her lamp does not go out by night” and she “does not eat the bread of idleness”. Then I think that it doesn’t matter how many maidservants she had, because she was simply a hard worker. And then I feel convicted . . .
In general, between Ryder getting into everything and Zoya having a dog door, which allows access to the house in all types of weather, I feel like our house is always a mess. It used to drive me crazy. Now it just drives me crazy on certain days. We do not have a dishwasher in our kitchen, so I also feel like Mark and I are always doing dishes. Not a big deal as we’ve never used a dishwasher during our whole married life. However, it’s becoming a big deal as the amount of dishes is getting larger by the day as a third member of the family is now eating a lot. The laundry never goes away, and we spend our weekends cleaning business properties. So it’s not like I have a weekend to get my house clean. It’s not like Mark has free time to get the back yard cleaned up, and on and on it goes. It gets to be frustrating. I start to wonder if home-ownership is really for us at this time in our lives? And then I wonder how our parents did it? My dad worked a lot when I was little, my mom always worked at least part-time, and Mark’s parents worked jobs, side jobs, and had foster children (in addition to their own 5 children). I wonder where I’m going wrong . . .
So back to our Proverbs lady . . . I just wonder how she got it all together. I’ve never had it together. And I don’t even expect myself to have it together. I think I just feel that with baby #2 coming I’m going to be even more overwhelmed, and that thought is kind of intimidating. Having a newborn and a toddler will be one challenge in itself, but adding the cooking, cleaning, housekeeping, grocery shopping, working, etc. just makes me feel tired to even think of. And I know moms everywhere do it, especially single moms. (I am convinced though that working moms who take their kids to work have their own special challenges as they are working moms + stay with the kids 24/7 moms.) I’m just not sure that I’m there yet. And thankfully, I have 5.5 more months before our new member joins us.
For now though, I am evaluating the areas where I do eat the bread of idleness. I am realizing that if I would manage my time better, things might be a bit less hectic. Yet I also see that some things really need to be pushed to the back burner right now. So it’s time to look at those things. It’s time to really figure out who I want to be as a wife, mom, daughter, sister, and most importantly, daughter of God, and what areas of life don’t need to be perfect right now. Which areas can slip and it not be a big deal? I’m also thanking the Lord for His grace, wisdom, and revelation on all of life as it’s feeling a lot bigger than I am right now, and I know (without a doubt) that I’m in huge need of His help.
Lastly, I’m not asking for any tips or any one to verify that we’re not supposed to be superwomen. I just need to process my thoughts. 🙂