As I was driving to work the other day, I had a sudden realization – Micah the Planner no longer exists. Somehow, I’ve given into my husband’s way of things, and planning is no longer in my mind. On the days where I do begin to plan, I realize that I’m thinking too far ahead and don’t have enough information. So I move on. It’s weird. Planning used to be such a big part of who I was, and now it’s almost non-existent. It’s odd how we change.
Lately, a lot of things have been on my mind, yet I realize that unless God sheds some light on the subject I’m clueless as to what the answers or solutions are. We’ve been praying, waiting, and searching for a new job for Mark. Yet nothing is happening. We’ve been believing that when Baby #2 arrives I’ll be able to be a stay at home mom, and yet time keeps going by. We’ve been trusting for the Lord to lead us to the jobs/positions that we’re supposed to be in. That He’ll show us what He’s called us to do, that we won’t struggle from day to day to pay the bills, and that we’ll actually get to use the talents that He’s given us. I’m still believing for all of that, and I realize that my timing is not His timing. So we wait. And while we wait, we make the most of what we have and what we can do. However, we’ve not got much time for each other, let alone anyone else. And so I think that all of this has to change. It will change. It’s just when. And the old me would say “when Lord, when?!!” But this me just says, “ok, one more day. Put your foot in front of the other one more day. Tomorrow might be different. At some point, it will be different. So be patient.” I know that God sees where we’re at. I know that He knows that I do not want to put my children in daycare. I know that He also knows that there is so much on my heart, so much on Mark’s heart to do. That is not wasted, and it won’t be wasted. He also knows how much I loathe our cleaning jobs, yet I’ve finally started to keep my mouth shut and work them as unto Him. So He sees our progress. And He is faithful.
So on that note, my eyes just stay focused on His faithfulness. And my mouth continues to repeat “thank You, Lord for this . . ., for this . . . , for that, and for the grace to do this one more day.”