I want to write this out before I forget, but it’s about 10:30 at night which is way past my bed time . . .
I went to a meeting tonight at church, and the meeting in itself was excellent. It was 3 hours long, which is a long time for a pregnant woman to sit, but it was worthwhile. Right as it was ending, one of the people in the meeting asked if it would be okay for everyone to pray for me. I think I was on my feet before he finished asking, as I was like yes, please, right now!! 🙂 And I love how God always picks us up after we’ve been flattened. He knew that I was ready to receive and open to whatever He had. So I’ll just share a bit from that prayer time as it ties in to my previous blog.
As everyone prayed, and as words came forth, things started to be spoken regarding who God sees that I am. And it gave me a fresh sense of my identity in Him. I’m not just one of His many children, but I’m uniquely and wonderfully made. There’s no other Micah Noelle Shank Hayden in existence; nor will there ever be. And my God likes what He sees. 🙂 I come from a godly lineage, and I have a spiritual heritage to pass on to my boys. Talk about a ministry and a purpose!! As things were spoken, many of them were things that other people have said throughout my lifetime. Things that I’d forgotten about myself; things that I needed to be reminded of. 🙂 And things that will be written in my journal and treasured between me and Him alone.
They then moved on to pray over my second son, and everything that came forth was what I’ve felt and prayed for him as well. But more than that, the prayers and words were my heart. They were things that I would have chosen for him; like my son’s heart is a reflection of my heart (and actually of Mark’s heart as well). I don’t even know how to explain it, except to say that my son will be a help in many ways. Ezra is a God ordained name for him, because he will love the unloved. He will help the needy. He will be a great blessing to everyone. How encouraging is that for a mother to hear? And lastly, it ended with prayer for an easy labor and an easy delivery. Yes, yes, yes . . . I so look forward to labor and delivery that is so much better than my first experience.
So needless to say, God is good. He is always loving on us. He is not harsh. He is everything that is perfect, lovely, and good. I’m blessed.
Lastly, I don’t want to leave my other boy out either . . . my firstborn seems to have more and more of his mama in him every day, which has not been easy for me. Yet as I’ve prayed and prayed about how to mother him, God’s just put on my heart to be gentle, sweet, and loving to him. I don’t do it perfectly. I have my moments when I’m too hard on his sensitive soul, when I expect too much, and when he and I just battle it out. Yet I’ve felt like I’m to raise him as if I was raising myself. As if that makes sense . . . but I know me, so that gives me insight into him. And that has helped quite a bit. We’ve also had two people from church come up to us and give us insight into his name. Normally, I say that Ryder’s name doesn’t have much meaning. Mark says he named him Ryder as he’ll be one who rides out the storms of life, but I’ve not had any clue on his name. However, I do now. The first is that he will be one who rides on the wings of the Holy Spirit. The second is that he will be a messenger of God and a warrior for Jesus. I see the warrior part already. 🙂
And before I melt into my bed, I have to say this as well. In this life we don’t always get what we want. I learned that a long time ago. God’s ways are higher than our ways, and some things are a mystery. For the life of me, I have not been able to figure out why He would give me two boys. And I know that sounds like such a small thing, but it’s been a big thing for me. I feel so utterly clueless on how to raise boys. Yet tonight, I got the revelation that I’m raising men of God. I haven’t lost my desire for ministry since I became a mom, nor has motherhood disqualified me. In fact, I’ve been given a bigger charge, and that is to raise my boys to be godly men, which is no easy task in this world we live in. I don’t know why my dad had two girls, nor why I would get the two boys. But I see that my boys have the heritage of their grandpa and great-grandpa. I also see that they have the heart of their mom and dad. I’ve got two very special young men to raise, and regardless of whether I ever get to have my Eden Bella, I’m blessed and I’ve got a great responsibility as their mom.
So I may have laid down my dreams and my dreaming, but I’ve been given new goals, new vision, and new responsibility. I’ve also been reminded of who I truly am in Him. I’m thankful, and I’m going to sleep in peace, rest, and thanksgiving. 🙂