The New Year always seems to start out with a bang; I’m not sure why that is. But I’ve got a lot to think about and a lot to process. Well, really, I have a lot to leave at Jesus’ feet. The first being my second son. 🙂 We’ve almost named him, but still hesitating. So maybe he’ll be named by May . . .

I had to meet with an obstetrician today to be told whether or not I’m an eligible candidate for a Vaginal Birth After Cesarean (VBAC) and to sign a consent form that says I’ve been told of all the risks regarding VBACs. It was actually quite an interesting conversation. Oddly enough, Ryder’s birth was almost identical to my own, yet my mom was not allowed any other option but another c-section. However, in cases such as mine, where the baby descended down the birth canal but stopped for some reason, they tend to see repeats. The one redeeming factor being that I was actually fully dilated and complete in labor. Ryder just wouldn’t come out. So I was told today that my chances of delivering this second baby naturally are around 60% or so. Hmmmm . . . I was hoping for better as the midwives normally see a 90% success rate. Yet the midwives think my chances are much higher. And really, regardless of the doctors or midwives, I have God on my side, so my chances are higher. I was then told a bunch more stuff. Things that most of you don’t want to read, and things that I don’t want to type as they’re all worst case scenarios. But the interesting thing being that I have less options this time. I can’t be induced (not that I want to be), but if I go 42 weeks, then a c-section it is. If my blood pressure goes up like it did with Ryder, I will be scheduled for an immediate c-section. And I will have my midwife, an obstetrician, and an anesthesiologist all in the hospital with me, just in case. I may never see the obstetrician or the anesthsiologist, but they’ll be there. I left the doctor’s office feeling slightly overwhelmed . . . I think it would have been easier to have said, ok, let’s just schedule a c-section. But I don’t want another abdominal surgery. I don’t want to have an 8 week recovery time and try to care for both a newborn and a toddler. That’s fine for other women, but it’s not what I want. And I may not get what I want in the end, but I’m determined to try. The doctor agreed that it is worth trying.

I then went down to the hospital cafeteria to find my husband and son. I filled Mark in on all that the doctor said, and being the wonderful husband that he is, Mark’s first response was well, that tells us what to pray for. And in actuality, we need all of that knowledge in order to surround this baby and his birth in prayer. So as I laid on the couch last night (with Zoyz on the floor next to me), I talked to God about my son, about all the things that need to work perfectly for his birth, about all the reasons why we need this one to go well and to be successful, and why I just need to give the next 4 months to Him. I then set my heart to stay in peace, to not get in any fear, and to medidate on as many applicable scriptures as possible in order to prepare my son and me for his birth.

And really, it amazes me how intertwined this baby and I are. How motherhood starts with conception. His welfare and mine are interlocked; his life and mine are one right now. It blows my mind. Yet I’m so thankful for it, because as he has become quite the mover, and as I have my daily time of feeling him and watching him, I enjoy these moments of falling in love with my son. I pray over him, I get more of a sense of him and who he is each day, and I so look forward to meeting him (and to naming him). This is the best part of pregnancy by far . . . and this blog is mainly for me to process all of this. So sorry for anyone reading as it’s kind of all over the place. 🙂

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