I don’t know how God does it, but He does. He’s taken me from the pit of yuckiness during last year to a place of hope, dreams, and life this year. And yeah, it took my determination and will to keep on keeping on and to get out of the pit, but it also took His faithfulness and loving encouragement. He doesn’t give up on us. He so faithfully bestowed love and gifts on us through so many avenues at the end of 2011; it was beautiful.

So I now have a very different view on life, and it’s weird to me. It’s taking some time to get used to it. And honestly, I don’t know if Mark has even realized yet that his wife is different, but that will come.

And as proof of this . . . yesterday morning I overslept (again – cell phone alarm is not working. Need to go back to an old fashioned alarm clock.) and was rushing to get ready and be at work by 8am. I drive Mark’s car on Wednesday and Thursday mornings as my car has the car seats. So he then drives my car with the boys. We’ve had one single key for Mark’s car, so every week, he hands over the one key. Well, yesterday morning, the one key was not to be found. And we knew this day would come . . . so I headed off to work in my car while Mark tore the house apart trying to find the one key. I was late to work, then had to drive home, so that Mark could then go into work. This made him late to work, so he didn’t get home until after 8pm. And this leaves me with cooking and feeding the boys, doing baths, and getting them into bed. Not my favorite to do by myself as both boys are a lot of work right now. Ezra is in a phase of refusing to sit, so he stands in his high chair, stands in the bath, stands outside of the bath, and cries when he cannot be standing. Ryder is in a phase of not wanting Mommy to hold Ezra. So I use one hand to monitor Ezzy in his standing and the other to help Ryder. And Ryder hates baths right now. Bath time is a bit of a nightmare.

But we made it through the baths, and then I got Ezzy settled in for his last feeding. Ryder chose the books for me to read to Ezzy, and then he climbed into Ezzy’s crib to listen. So we worked through three books and one bottle, then it was bed time for E. We moved over to Ryder’s room and settled into his big chair to do four more books. Ryder finally listens now when we read to him, and he and I enjoyed a great time of reading, chatting, and settling down before bed. This was big as bedtime with Ryder is usually Daddy’s thing as Ryder is constantly up and down, up and down, up and down. Rarely does he sit. So it’s saying a lot to say that Ryder and Mommy had a nice reading time together. 🙂 And it’s saying a lot to say that by the time Daddy got home, Mommy wasn’t stressed, Ryder was ready for prayers, and all was quiet. NICE!!!

And most importantly, I’m finding that I’m just thankful for my little men. As busy as they always are, as tired as I am, I’m finding lots of joyful moments. I’m finding it not so overwhelming to raise two kind, loving, smart, fun little boys. I’m enjoying them. And I know that as imperfect of a mom as I am, they’re going to come out okay. God’s on our side, they have a great example of manhood in their dad and grandad, and time goes by quickly, so it’s important to enjoy every moment. I’m getting there. . .

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