[dropcap style=”font-size: 60px; color: #9b9b9b;”] I [/dropcap]’m jumping into the middle of a long story, so the short of it is that lately I’ve been pondering my life and gifts/callings. It’s very interesting to be 34 years old and to look back at the 8 year old me, the 18 year old me, the 25 year old me, and now the 34 year old me. Life has not happened in any way that I ever thought it would, and I’ve rolled with it. Yet I’ve had this deep sense that it’s time to live fully with eternity in mind. So that’s led to a lot of praying and lots of requests for wisdom.
Therefore, I thought it would be good to get all of this out on the table as I’m figuring some things out about myself.
Who I am not:
I’m not loud.
I’m not outgoing.
I’m not career oriented.
I’m not a Type A personality.
I’m not organized.
I’m not great at any one thing.
I’m not a neat freak.
I’m not anything that can be fit into a box.
I don’t tolerate bugs.
I don’t like to be pushed.
I don’t prefer pushy people.
I’m not good at following through.
I’m not patient when bored.
I’m not a fan of TV.
I’d rather be doing something than sitting doing nothing.
Who I am:
I’m a thinker.
I’m a dreamer.
I long to travel.
I long to love on hearts needing love.
I care for all things that are broken down, needy, hurt.
I love variety.
Yet I need certain amounts of structure.
I do well with change.
I need a certain amount of stimulation, creativity, outlet to keep moving forward.
I love God.
I love my family.
I love the outdoors.
I value history.
I love music, color, vibrancy.
I have a few very strong passions, yet haven’t found the correct outlets.
I want to see the world.
I love the heart of the church.
I want to be used, yet I know that there’s nothing of me to be used but only all of Him in me to let out.
I love His heart, and I desire to know His heart more.
I love to read and love to imagine.
I get overwhelmed easily.
I’m all about progress.
There’s a whole lot in me that God has done and worked that needs to be released. Yet I realize that it can’t be done out of pride or a desire to be something. It has to be done out of love, compassion, and obedience.
I long to live abroad, to be a city girl, to work at an orphanage, to help young, single mothers, to reach out to the human trafficking victim, to encourage the church, to teach, to encourage young people in their giftings and callings, to be free to live the life that I’m meant to live.
I attached a picture of Edinburgh to this post as it’s one of the cities that I’ve loved and could see myself living in. Yet I’m mature enough (now) to know that we have to fully be where God has called us to be. Longmont may not be a place that I love, but it’s where I am today. So as I pray and ponder, I’m also doing my best to fully be here.