[dropcap style=”font-size: 60px; color: #9b9b9b;”] T[/dropcap]he next two days are big ones for our little family as we have baby’s ultrasound and my ovarian cyst check up. Then tomorrow is some major testing/outpatient surgery for Mark. Obviously, we’re excited to see the baby and even more excited to reveal the gender and baby’s name. Yet I always feel a bit of anxiety as the purpose of the ultrasound is to check on baby’s health. They would like me to do a more invasive ultrasound due to my age . . . check in more detail for Down’s Syndrome and whatever else. I told the midwives that I’d rather wait on that decision and see how today goes. We always turn down all genetic testing, because we’re trusting that everything is just fine. Also trusting that tomorrow will go smoothly for Mark and that the doctor will have good input yet not find anything serious.
But of course, the last few days haven’t been real smooth . . . Mark has had to prep for his tests for a week now. He’s been on a strict diet and now has to fast all day and until his appointment tomorrow. I got weirdly sick yesterday, took a long nap after work, then went back to bed as soon as Mark got home from work. I stared at the ceiling and prayed that I would not vomit as I’ve had enough of being sick this winter. I also fought off all the anxiety, what ifs, what if I can’t get out of bed for my appointment tomorrow, and on it goes for a brain that thinks like mine. Kind of torture really. So after reading the Word and praying, I decided to try to fall asleep to my new favorite worship song (lyrics and link below). As I laid there and just let the words flow over me and sink in, I realized that there was this deep, deep peace. And it immediately took me back to the hospital room(s) and when I was in labor with both my boys. I went through so much with both labors/deliveries. So much that I still fight fear about going through it again. Yet the entire time (31+ hours with R and 18+ hours with E) we spent in those hospital rooms was covered in so much peace. You could almost feel it. I’ve never really sensed how much God loves me and His children like I did during that time. I knew that I could not have gone through all of that without Him. And I knew He knew that, so He covered Mark and me in such perfect peace. For the first time since then, I felt that peace again last night; like I could reach out and touch His hand as I knew it was covering me.
I then slept in that peace and thought about it all this morning. The Word says that “You (God) will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on you: because he trusts in you.” (Isaiah 26:3 KJV) Our job is to get our minds on Him, and in return, He keeps us in perfect peace. For someone who’s a major thinker like I am, it’s very hard to keep the mind stayed on anything. Yet something that I’ve been learning over and over this year is that when we worry or dwell on our circumstances or the what if’s we’re putting our minds on those things. That means that our minds are not set on God or on trusting Him. They’re focused, staring (idolizing), fixed on our troubles. There’s then no room for God to work. He works when we are gazing at Him, when we’re resting in faith that He is true to His Word, when we’re content to think on Him rather than all of the other stuff. Faith is active, because it’s a choice to put and keep the mind on what is true – His Word. The book of Proverbs tells us to “lean not on our own understanding” because we’re so limited in our vision. We never have a full view of how things really are. Only He can truly see everything. So we waste our time when we look at our problems or our situation rather than just looking at Him and His Word.
So I woke up this morning feeling better physically, but more importantly, I woke up feeling completely at rest in my Father’s arms. He has been stitching this baby together, He knows every part of my babe, He knows our desire for the gender, He knows the story of this baby’s life, He knows how this baby will fit in our family. He also knows the issues with my body; that’s no shocker to Him. He saw every detail, every moment of my deliveries of my other two. He didn’t miss my tears or my pain. And He knows every detail of my husband’s anatomy and what his body needs. We’re trusting Him to direct the doctor and to give him wisdom. But our real doctor is the Great Physician who is a better Healer than any earthly man. So I have no reason to fret or worry. And I’m not. I’m at peace . . . and it’s so good.
I’ll leave you with this song, which actually shows the lyrics as well. Worth taking the time to listen and soak in today.