Psalm 27:13-14 NKJV
I would have lost heart, unless I had believed
That I would see the goodness of the Lord
In the land of the living.
Wait on the Lord;
Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart;
Wait, I say, on the Lord!
Over the past few weeks as we’ve gotten rid of so many of our belongings and as we’ve painted, cleaned, sorted, and purged, I’ve gone through many memories of the past 7 years. Hard times, lonely times, moments with each of the kids as babies, conversations with Mark, prayers that I prayed, laughter, family dinners, walks through our neighborhood, etc.
I can so clearly see a season of growth and see how much I have changed from the moment we bought this house and as a newly pregnant, working full-time wife who was waiting for her husband to get his greencard to the present day mom of 3, working two part-time jobs and getting ready to apply for another visa and another move. For me, this house holds so many memories, and yet I can’t fully say they were all good or easy. In fact, many of them were full of anguish, discontent, stress, miserable pregnancy/breast-feeding/tired newborn moments. Many of those memories I don’t want to repeat. Yet there’s also all the wonderful memories of my babies learning to walk, learning to talk, helping with the laundry, playing outside, learning to climb the trees, watching the snow, and much more. Those memories I cherish, and I also realize that the hard stuff is actually what helped to bring so much good change. I think the scripture up above is one that I planted deep down inside as I held on to it and believed that good had to be coming. Somewhere up ahead, God was planning good things for us; we just had to hold tight and weather the storms. Not that we’re through to the end of the storms, but we’ve learned how to weather them . . . at least the ones we’ve been through. So I’m thankful for the things that we’ve been through. And I’ve noticed lately that Mark and I are frequently stopping to watch our daughter and take in every new word she says, every new dance move she comes up with, and every moment of cuteness. We’re stopping to make the most of her days as we know they go by so quickly. Those moments of cuteness get us through the tantrums, the not so cute moments, and they’re the ones we want to remember. And yet, I don’t want to live my life in memories. I want to live life and make more memories.
So I’m also realizing that it’s really good to leave the past behind and look forward to the future. Take every day as it comes, enjoy it, learn from the mistakes, and move forward. I haven’t really thought too much on what our move will look like. I haven’t tried to think through all the details of what we’ll do when we leave this house as it’s really just too overwhelming. I just haven’t thought beyond this week really. And yet I haven’t felt that it’s been super healthy to not think ahead. It’s like this mixed bag of don’t plan but do think ahead because you do need a plan. I don’t even know how to explain that. I don’t know what to expect. So I haven’t expected anything . . .
. . . and then God intervened. Very long story short – we are still paying off lots of debts from student loans and moving from the UK to the US. We’ve worked very hard to get our debt paid off, but we still have had a ways to go. We’ve also needed quite a sum of money to get ourselves over to the UK. Not to mention get into an apartment once we get there or get beds, sheets, towels, pots and pans, etc. It’s not a cheap or easy endeavor. And I’ve just felt like I can’t think about it because I can’t get into fear. We just have to walk forward and trust that God will meet us. He’ll provide as we walk. That’s just it. The provision will be there when we get there. So I don’t know if that’s been me being naive or putting my head under the pillow or maybe it’s exactly right? But I just have not had the time or energy to even deal with it. My stress level cannot go one millimeter higher, so let’s just not even go there.
Then a wonderful thing happened, and we met with a realtor and learned that the current housing market is a seller’s dream come true. If you are in the market to sell your house, do it NOW!!! Just don’t plan to buy anything in this state, and lucky for us, we’re not planning to. We are planning to rent in a very expensive country with a currency that is 1.5x better than ours. So . . . anyway, end of the story is that after this house sells we’ll be able to pay our debt off AND have some money to put into a flat (or even a house?!) in Edinburgh. And we may have some left over . . . and I can’t even tell you how relieved that makes us feel. Once it’s all done and this house is sold and gone, I will know the real end of the story and can say what will happen. But for now, just to know that we’ll actually be able to find a place to live in Edinburgh that won’t be a one bedroom flat is such a HUGE praise report! God is so good. Always. And it’s so worth it to just trust and obey Him. I’m learning that obedience isn’t always easy, but it’s always worthwhile. It always brings so much good. He is so good. And not only that, but we’ve been very concerned that we won’t be able to find/afford a place that will allow us to have a dog. So now, I feel like that load has lifted and we have some means to actually really look for a place that will allow us to keep Zoya. I feel like we’ve been given the freedom to do that, and I’m trusting that it’ll all work out for her as well. I know that God knows how we love our animals, and I know that He cares about that detail as well. So I’m feeling very optimistic, very much okay with our move, and actually/maybe ready to make some new memories and fondly close this chapter of life. I’m thankful that God pulled us through all the hard seasons of the last 7 years, and He has taught us so much. I also know that there will be other difficult seasons ahead, but now I have such a better grasp on faith, looking up, thinking positively, having an open heart to just love and trust Him that I am walking more securely in His grasp and in His love. My heart is hopeful, and that is always a good thing.