So I’ve had the book “Driven by Eternity” sitting on my nightstand for a year now. And it’s not like I’m not already reading three other books . . . but I picked “Driven by Eternity” up the other night and haven’t put it down. I think some books are just meant for certain seasons of life and I’m in the right spot to be reading this book. If you haven’t read it, you should. 🙂 Convicting, sobering, lots of food for thought, and lots of “God, please search my heart” going on.

Meanwhile though, daily life is happening, and for some silly reason, I decided I had to go to the grocery store on Sunday night. It’s never a good thing to do on Sunday with an infant and a toddler. Actually, it’s not a good thing to ever do with an infant and a toddler, let alone after a long day. But they had napped, they’d been changed and fed, and I thought it would be a good idea as we needed groceries. It wasn’t a good idea. By the time we were finished, I had one giant headache. And they probably did too. Then just in the perfect moment, I run into some lovely Longmont folks. I attract odd birds with bad behavior. It’s just a fact in Micah’s world. And this Sunday was no exception. So the boys and I are pushing a fully loaded cart into the checkout aisle when an older lady cuts right in front of us. Her husband stops behind me and looks at her like “I can’t believe you just did that.” She turns back and looks at me and says “oh, we’ll be quick”. Then smiles. It was all I could do to hold my tongue. I already had a giant headache and wanted to be home in bed, and I would have gladly let her go in front of me. But rudeness like that irks me to no end. She deliberately cut with no thought of asking or caring to see a tired mom with two tired little kids. I couldn’t even look at her. Her husband, very apologetically, got in line next to her, and I couldn’t look at him either. I just kept thinking what on earth is wrong with people? How selfish can you get?

Then the things that I’ve been reading in “Driven by Eternity” hit me, and I felt bad for getting offended. I should have smiled and told the lady I didn’t mind. But truthfully, I minded very much. I was tired with two clearly tired cranky kids. How could her reasons for cutting in line have been justified?? But really, all that matters was my response. And even though I didn’t say anything, if she had seen my face, I’m sure the look I had was nasty. The heart reaction was nasty. So as I tiredly walked the groceries and my boys to the car, I repented and asked God to please help me as rude people are my biggest pet peeve. But I want God’s heart, and who am I to be offended . . . ?

It seems like I’ve come so far (by God’s grace only) in life and yet have so much further to go. Yet I don’t think God sees it like that. I think He just sees moment by moment. In a way, I think parenting gives us a great glimpse of His heart. As an example of that, parenting for me consists of in one moment Ryder is hitting me and throwing a tantrum at Wal-mart and making me not very happy, yet in the next moment, I’m dropping him off at daycare and he’s crying and asking that I please give him a kiss. Did the Wal-mart moment even cross my mind? Did I withhold a kiss? No, I gladly gave him not one but three kisses. And when I picked up a very happy boy from school, I was just happy to see him happy. So I know God doesn’t see me and think wow, she had a bad attitude after that old lady cut in line. What a long way Micah has to go. No, I think He’s just glad that I repented and determined to do better next time. 🙂

These rude Longmont people that I attract had better get ready for an outpouring of God’s love and heart on them as it’s coming . . . . 🙂 I may be slow, but I will get there.

One thought on “heart reaction

  1. It's completely convicting, sobering, lots of food for thought, and lots of "God, please search my heart" … you're 100% right. That book changed my life & impacted me in a very needed & sobering way, more than any other book ever has. I couldn't put it down either. I think it was the biggest spiritual wake up call that I've received to date. I wish everyone would read it.

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