I want to write out a few things (again really quickly) that I’ve learned in 2009. This is mainly for my benefit, so that I can look back and be encouraged. But I hope this also encourages any of you who read it.
2009 has been a hard year for us. I feel like we’ve hit one wall after another. Yet amazingly enough, and only by the grace of God, we keep on keeping on. And I won’t list all the roadblocks that we’ve had; maybe I will someday, but for now, just trust me that they’ve been there.
This month, we’ve come to a time of really just being almost desperate. I’ve watched as our savings has been used on bills, specifically baby bills, house bills, puppy bills, etc. I’ve watched as we pinch all our pennies, and they stretch pretty far. But lately, they haven’t stretched far enough. And the great thing about my husband is that he continues to give and give and give regardless of what we have. So I’m also learning that regardless of our income, our giving is always increasing. I like that. It makes me sweat as I watch him give our lunch money away, but I’m blessed when someone then offers to pay for our lunch. Somehow, God works it all out.
Yet I’ve probably done the most sweating this month. 🙂 Shame on me. All week, I’ve worried that we’re not going to have enough money for groceries. Zoya was almost out of food, Mark is wasting away, and our fridge is pretty empty. Yet God came along and answered our prayers by finding Mark a good job. He starts his training on Monday. So I’ve been rejoicing in that and thinking okay, we can last a week until I get paid. But we ran into another wall, as the truck that my parents have loaned Mark to use is quite old and has been dying all week. I’m thinking Mark can’t drive this truck an hour or more every day to training, and we have no money to put into repairing the truck (plus, it’s so old that how much money would we even want to put into it?). The truck is ridiculously hard to drive, and being as big (and wimpy) as I am right now, the thought of my trying to steer it was a bit more than I can handle right now. I’m going to have to go home every day at lunch to let Zoya out, so that would be 4 trips each day in a truck that is not easy to maneuver. Just not my cup of tea at all. So again, I started to sweat. My prayers turned from thank You, Lord, for Your provision to Lord, what are we going to do?! And funnily enough, I happened to check our bank account this morning, and lo and behold, our tax refund had come in. It was supposed to take 4 to 6 weeks to come, and it’s only been 10 days!! It’s enough money for us to buy an old, used car. Praise the Lord for that!! His timing this week has been perfect.
So when am I going to learn to not sweat it out, but to just rest, relax, trust, and wait? I don’t know. Hopefully, I have learned a bit this year. But I guess we’ll see when we come to the next road block. For now though, I’m rejoicing in our God, rejoicing that He truly does provide, He’s not late, and I can rest (He’s commanded us to rest in Him.) and need to actually rest in Who He is. He is good, and His faithfulness is truly great. I stand corrected and humbled, yet also really comforted, loved, and just thankful really. Thankful that we serve a God whose love never fails and a God who always keeps His promises.
PS – we just found out that the clutch has gone out on the truck; the mechanic reckons that it would have lasted one more day maybe? So this confirms God’s timing . . .