I’ve been a Christ follower for a long time. I grew up hearing about how good God is, how much He loves us, and what all Jesus has done for us. I never doubted. I struggled to fully trust in every area of life, but I never doubted. And now, at 33 years of life, I’ve realized that it’s time to now fully trust. My attempts at figuring it all out, my striving to do this or that, and my efforts to make life be something like this or that haven’t worked. And I’ve moaned, and fretted, and basically haven’t enjoyed my life as it is. Part of me has been afraid to enjoy it as it is as I’ve thought that if I enjoy this, then it will never change. We’ll get stuck in this daily grind and never get out. Yet I think that part of what God is teaching me right now is that He made me to be someone who always dreams, always desires to see this happen or that, but it doesn’t mean that I still can’t enjoy the here and now. It just means that I need to find balance. Enjoy today yet not lose sight of tomorrow.
We met with a financial counselor, and after reviewing everything, she had good news and bad news. The good news is that we’ll be debt free in 6 years. The bad news is that we have to maintain our current income for 6 years. That means I have to keep my job, and we have to keep both cleaning jobs for 6 more years. So in my mind, I’ve gone through every option, every idea of how to increase our income as living to just pay off debt has been hard. Every extra penny goes to payments. Stinky way of living. Yet being faithful is worth it . . . right? Paying off loans (and never taking another one) is the right thing to do. And life is more than a new pair of shoes or a date night. Our things we need list is getting bigger and bigger, but we’re also learning how well we can live on very little. I actually like simple living a lot more than having lots of stuff living. As long as I stay away from malls, Target, and any shopping place, TV, or magazines, I do quite fine. 🙂
And the more that I think about it, the more I see positives about our situation. Yes, the cleaning jobs stink. Yes, I wish my husband could have a whole weekend off and not have to work 6 days a week. Yes, I wish that we could do this and do that. I really wish we could afford a bed that’s bigger than a double and a laptop that actually worked right. But we can’t. Yet someday, we will. Someday . . . and with as fast as life goes by, that someday will be here sooner than later. And if I look around me, there are a lot of people in worse situations. A lot of people living on less, with no jobs, and no hope. We’ve at least got hope. We get blessed with a random love gift from someone every few months, and it reminds me every time of how much hope we’ve got. We’ve got a Provider who will be there when the wash machine finally gives up the ghost. And we’ve got Someone who has given us the grace to do this life for the last 3 years. He’ll keep giving us the grace. Not only that, but He’s also given us this very tiny joyful person who is so sweet all of the time. I just look at Ezra, and I think that is how much God loves Mark, Ryder, and me. He blessed us with the best little boy who has enriched our lives so much. That’s how good our God is. 🙂
And this blog is half as long as it started, because my laptop just randomly deleted half of it. But oh well, you get the point . . . life’s too short to not enjoy what it is. And life is not always fun, not always sweet smelling, not always what we dreamed. But there is always something to rejoice about, someone to love, and someone to give thanks for and to. So that’s my choice. I’m no longer just halfway trusting. I’m in this thing all the way. I’m trusting that my God IS GOOD. He will bring His desires for my life into fruition. And He ALWAYS PROVIDES and ALWAYS BLESSES US. He is always enough. And who knows what tomorrow brings. So I’m going to enjoy today and thank Him for every blessing I find in today. (And Mark, you can remind me of this when I start to whine . . . 😉