I have to admit that I tend to stay away from Christian women’s books and websites as I feel like I don’t remotely resemble the famous lady from the end of Proverbs 31, nor do I strive to be the best wife or mom I can be. My objective is very simple; I just try to stay sane. Easier said than done when you attempt to wake up from a long night of crying kids and immediately have one son bash his head into your calf and another fling a transformers toy right into your face. Any worthy goal of being a patient and kind mother goes completely out the window. My focus is just to get out the door and to work on time, and that is not a simple feat with our kid + car situation. Someday, I would like to add get out the door on time, get to work, and not have lost my peace at anytime. But that didn’t happen today.
I love to read blogs, and I love to admire all of these creative moms who write books, who put on events, who are able to fly from this place to another, and in the meantime, they homeschool or they have 6 kids or they are totally stylish and actually comb their hair in the morning. But I’m not that mom at this point, and I’m guessing that when their kids were all little they probably weren’t either. It really helps things in life when one child can dress himself and wipe his own bum. REALLY helps. We are almost there, but not quite. Yet I feel that some sort of freedom will come to that child and to us as parents when he arrives there. We’ve had the most awful windy, cold weather this week, and so my kids have been desperate to play at a park. They begged me to allow them to go to McDonalds (which we never do) so that they could try out the playplace there. I agreed, and when we arrived, the place was packed. I couldn’t get a seat anywhere near the play area, so I got Edie settled, then told the boys to stay between there and the play area. I got our ice cream ordered, and then (of course), Ryde had to use the potty. So I have one child in the play area by himself, one child in her car seat on top of the table, and I take the other child to the door of the men’s room and give him strict instructions on what to do. I prayed that he did not need to do more than pee as we would be in big trouble. Thankfully, I found a place where I could stand and see the baby while also watching the door to the men’s room. It’s moments like those when I think what did we get ourselves into?! I wonder how Michelle Duggar would handle this type of situation or what I should do next time. It’s in these moments that I am so aware of how dependent I am on God and His protection of my children, His help, and His wisdom.
And that seems to be the general theme of my life right now: realization of how much I need Jesus.
I’ve taken on some very fun projects with helping my dad to publish his new book and with helping our church’s Bible school here and the one we’re planning for Scotland. It’s made life very busy, but a good kind of busy. Yet it’s also showing me how much I need to have my mind renewed, how much I need to stay focused on Jesus, and how in need I am of organization. The giant mess of a house we live in has got to get under control. So I’ve been bagging up stuff left and right and trying to sort out stuff for Goodwill, stuff for friends’ babies, and stuff to sell. I’ve also got a notebook full of to do lists and notes, and in my mind, I have ways to stay organized, but they have yet to arrive in real life. So as I do everything, I’ve also had my phone set to worship music so that I can pray and worship as I work. It’s the only way to keep my brain on a level of some sort of functionality. It helps with staying calm and being patient as well. And I’ve noticed that when the worship music is on my kids sort of settle down and will actually listen. So it seems to just bring a lot more peace to our household.
And I may not be the lady from Proverbs 31, but I do really admire her organization and how she thinks ahead. I do desire that in my life as it would so help our busy mornings if I would be more organized. And I also know that the book of Proverbs was written for those desiring wisdom and good advice. It wasn’t written to condemn us; it was written to help us. I can read the words, and think wow, she got early to do this and that. That would be such a good idea in my life. Even if I just get up earlier than the family on one day per week (like a Monday), it would change and improve our entire day as a family. That is a worthy goal. And more than anything, I’m realizing how wise it is to turn to the Lord, to turn to His Word, to set my mind on Him. I need His thoughts, I need to know His ways, and I need to walk in His love. It’s like I’ve hit a new level of awareness of how much I need to take hold of what He’s offering. He offers freely; He never condemns. He just offers, gives, and pours out so much love. He is just so good. And so I’m staying right with Him. He refreshes this weary mommy’s soul; He teaches me how to teach my kids. And He pours in love when I feel like my love tank is empty. He is everything, and I don’t just say that. I truly mean it.
So in closing out this rambling post, I’ve been given an opportunity to go on a short ministry related trip. I never dreamed I would actually be able to go, nor did I ever dream of leaving my family for a few days, especially the youngest member. So when the opportunity was presented, I almost said no as it will be so hard to leave. But in my spirit, I immediately felt a yes, and a just trust Me. I also felt this sense that I need to go; Micah needs to go. Mark and my family will take great care of my kids. Mark may need his own vacation when I get back, but he will do a great job of managing while I am gone. The key for me though is to really go and relax. Go and get renewed, refreshed, and recharged. Go and be obedient to God’s leading and do what needs to be done, and let Him care for my family. Then come back home as a mama whose tank has been refilled. So I very hesitantly have started to pack and plan, and again, I just lean on Jesus. Sweet Jesus who is worthy of all of our trust. He cares for us best, and I choose to trust Him. I feel a bit like I’m diving off the diving board and into the very deep end of the pool, but I know that we are in His care. I don’t have to be fearful. I can just dive in, swim, and be at peace.
A totally random side note . . . my baby is getting so big and is starting the journey of independence. We love her so much, and we’ve had the thought of maybe we should just have one more. Then reality set in and moments like McDonalds occur, and I am assured that I most definitely have my hands full enough.