So as I’ve repeatedly said over this past year, 2010 has been the year of trusting the Lord. And you’d think that I’d be a pro after 25+ years of knowing the Lord. However, faith has not been my strong point. I’ve been reading Christ the Healer by F.F. Bosworth all year, and it’s one of those books where you can only read about 3 pages, and then you have to put it down and meditate on what you’ve just read. It’s not an easy read, but man, has it taught me a lot. (If I get time later, I will post some of the excellent thoughts that have really stood out to me from the book.)
Over the past month, I’ve found that faith is something that I really need to learn and grasp hold of as there are many areas right now that have been trying. Faith for finances and provision, faith for my health, and most importantly, faith for my little unborn being. Nothing has taught me more about faith than pregnancy. Talk about having to not pay attention to your feelings or to how things look, but having to trust that everything that you cannot see is fine and healthy. I’ve learned that I can’t read about pregnancy during the first few months. There are too many horror stories of loss, too many warning signs to look for, and basically, too many things that install fear. So I’m skipping all that this time. I’m just looking to Him and ignoring everything else.
During the first few weeks of this pregnancy, I’ve had a lot of pain in my abdomen. So I’ve gone from praying over the baby and my body constantly to just confessing and meditating scripture to finally just being a peace. God is the one who put this little one inside of me; He knew about my c-section and the pain after. He knows how to keep this baby, and He’s the one who will continually form the baby until it’s time for it to be born. I have nothing to worry about. All I have to do is trust the little one to the Lord and take care of myself. So I’ve been purposeful in resting and taking care of me; a big change from my pregnancy with Ryder when I was working full-time, plus doing cleaning jobs, plus doing whatever else. And I’ve been allowing the Lord to teach me about faith. It’s been good. 🙂 This pregnancy has been harder than the last one, and I have fear about how things will go as far as the labor and what type of delivery I’ll have. But I have 7 more months to grow in my faith and to be prepared for God’s best when the time comes.
Most importantly though, I’m really just taking the time to enjoy my sweet little family. Mark’s been getting Ryder up earlier in the mornings so that they can see each other a bit more, and it’s been so nice to have a few minutes where all of us (including Zoyz) get some family time before going to work. Even though Rydey has no idea that another baby is coming and Mark is not able to see or feel anything regarding the baby, it’s a bit wondrous to realize that we have 7 months of just us and then our lives will completely change. It’s both exciting and scary. We’re enjoying Ryder as much as possible before he has to share his time. And we’re looking forward to the days when we get to see and feel “the Bump”. I don’t think there’s any other time in life like this one that we’re in. 🙂