I’m sure I’ve said this before, but back in my single days, I thought that decision making would be so much easier once I was married and had a partner to make decisions with. I’m not sure what I was thinking . . . Mark and I learned very early on in our marriage that we are totally different when it comes to how we decide to do something. He researches, he studies, he deliberates, and he is in no rush. I’m always in a rush as I want to decide now and then get on to planning. To me, the planning and implementation of the plan is the part where you can research and slow down. He feels very differently about that. So when it comes to choosing a kitchen floor, we’ve finally grown enough to make a good decision together. When it comes to choosing a kindergarten, we do fairly well. When it comes to a cross-ocean move, it’s a whole different story.
Do we move to Scotland or not? That is the BIG question in life right now. A very giant amount of a question as my 4 year old would say. I don’t know the answer.
This is all I know:
a.) if we move, we lose Mark’s greencard. We would never go through that painstaking/expensive/stressful process again, so moving back to the US would be totally out of the question. I would also need to get a visa to live in the UK again; this is not remotely cheap. Not to mention that all the kids need to get dual citizenship.
b.) we would be leaving my family, including my 82 year old grandmother. This would be the hardest part as I would be taking my babies far away from their grandparents. I grew up with such godly grandparents, and I value that closeness that I had with them so much.
c.) we would be gaining the chance to really get to know Mark’s family. This would be the best part, and this is something that’s been on our hearts for a long time.
d.) I would have a chance to fulfill a lifelong dream of doing missions/teaching/mentoring/discipleship + live in a big, beautiful city. Edinburgh is a mecca for writers, filmmakers, artsy types, which would be very cool for Mark (although, he is not a fan of big cities and doesn’t really even want to consider living in one).
e.) Scotland is very, very liberal right now. They just passed a law that says that every new baby born in Scotland will be assigned a social worker who will be authorized to step in at any time throughout the child’s life if the social worker feels that the parent is making bad parenting decisions. The homeschooling community in Scotland has fought this very hard as it’s in no way a good thing. That’s daunting for us.
f.) we’re floundering a bit here in our present situation. 5.5 years of Mark working 6 days a week has gotten beyond tiring. He needs free time, family time, and rest.
g.) being a part of a brand new Bible school would open so many doors for us. So many that we want to take in the future. But is this the time to do it? Is this the place we’re to go to?
h.) lastly, we never wanted to raise our children in the UK. Pornography is everywhere. The British don’t tend to discipline their children. The amount of swearing and drinking is much larger than here. Schooling is a big question for us. Heading towards a much liberal/socialist society is a bit overwhelming (not that the US isn’t close behind). And we lose the huge benefit of our family helping with our children (helping to train our children up in the Lord) + the benefit of our much loved church family.
i.) what do we do with our dog? Dog lovers know that this is a very serious question. We couldn’t just pawn her off to someone. We’d have to take her with us or find a very good home and cry our way through giving her up.
Anyway, so these are just all the thoughts going through my mind right now. I think for my own sake, I’ve just needed to write, write, and write some more.
Really though, the main thing that just keeps going through my mind is that I love God. I want to see His kingdom expand. I want to see every nation come to Jesus. I want to see the Scottish become a beacon of Him, not liberalism. I want to be on the streets meeting people, encouraging them, saying hey, we’re doing a Bible study tonight, or we’re meeting at this coffee shop to talk about eternity, do you want to come? I want to see hearts changed, renewed, and in love with their Creator. I can trust my babies to God if I know we’re in the right place pursuing Him. I just want to be obedient and I want to be a vessel of love that allows God to impact and change a society. That is where I’m at. I know nothing is easy, but I know that when we surrender to God’s will, to His heart, to His purposes, no matter how daunting or scary, we can rest in Him while knowing that He is carrying us and He will accomplish His purpose in us.
If you know of any books, testimonies, stories of people making big, giant decisions in order to impact the Kingdom of God, let me know!! We could use some encouragement in that direction.
Leaving you with a photo of my baby. We’re all exhausted after a big weekend, and he has really been tired. He fell asleep on me, and I had to capture his sweet face as he won’t be little for much longer. As we pray and ponder our children’s future, I look at him and feel how God looks at me. He’s got us; we’re safe and secure in Him no matter where we live.