[dropcap style=”font-size: 60px; color: #9b9b9b;”] G [/dropcap]oodness gracious, I feel like I could cry up enough tears to fill a giant bottle. Tears of frustration, tears of gratitude, tears of stress, tears of refreshing. It’s been that kind of a week.
Last night (as we have every night for the past week), we ran over to my parents’ house for showers, and seeing how they have a fancy digital scale that sits out in the bathroom, I thought I’d step on it and see what it says. Shock of all shocks, it read the weight that I weighed when I was in high school, the weight that I was when I met Mark, the weight that I have not weighed since marriage and having babies. I thought wow, how did this happen? (And how do I still have a big belly?!) Then I thought yikes, I’ve been that stressed. And my heart sank in disappointment. Stress is my number one enemy to avoid. Yet I can’t just avoid him; I have to fight him.
And then all these emotions hit me, and they’ve been hitting all week. I need a good, long cry. I need to just cry it all out and get refreshed. We have a worship night coming up this Sunday . . . so I’d better get it all cried out before then or it’ll hit during public worship. Stress for me gets released through tears as it’s about the only time I cry, and yet why am I stressing? I’m stressing because I’m letting my circumstances overwhelm me.
Something huge that I’ve learned this week is that no matter what we’re going through, no matter what our circumstances say, we have a choice to live above them. It doesn’t mean that I don’t acknowledge that we have bills to pay, decisions to make, and responsibilities to up hold. It just means that I can stay peaceful and joyful as I go through them. I may have no idea how we’ll buy food next week, no idea how the credit card will be paid, and no idea how we’ll make it to next month, but I don’t have to worry about it. God says that we take no thought for tomorrow as He has it taken care of.
As an example of his care . . . Ryder finally grew into size 3T clothes, but we’ve not had the means to purchase 3T clothes. So he’s had just enough to get by. If I make sure to get the laundry done on time, he has enough to wear. If he has to wear dirty clothes, then he wears dirty clothes. I can’t stress about it. However, he’s an active boy. He’s an active boy who has cut his knee open 3 times this week, and every time, I think those jeans are not going to make it through the week. As blood seeps through them, I just keep thinking thank the Lord that the jeans made it. (Shallow aren’t I?) So this morning, we got an offer to take a box of 3T clothes off of someone before they stick them in a garage sale. The clothes are about 10 years old, but what do we care? Ryde can now play without his mom shouting “be careful you don’t rip your jeans!!” 🙂
God cares about my kids enough to keep them clothed.
So as I fight the stress and the emotions that really want to overwhelm me, I’ve been looking up. I’m doing my best to get some proper perspective. And I’m finding that the amazing part of it all is that even through all this junk that we’re going through and all of our circumstances hitting the fan, God’s still moving us. He’s still working good things in our lives. It’s hard to see, but He is. One amazing thing that He’s doing is moving me out of myself. I’ve felt strongly that now is the time to walk in my giftings and callings, and after a lot of prayer and consideration, I decided that I really want to volunteer for a Christian pregnancy center. So I stopped in yesterday to speak with the director of a local center, and I met with a lovely lady. She and I had been emailing back and forth, so she already knew that I’m a working mom with kids. Therefore, I’m not able to do the official training, which would allow me to counsel young girls. But she figures that time will come. So for now I can start by just helping out around the center, which is good enough. Our appointment was cut short by two girls stopping in for advice, which turned into them needing some major counseling. My heart leaped within me as I could feel that this is what I need to do at this time. So I have to go back in next week to finish my orientation process. I have no idea when or how I’ll be able to volunteer weekly, but I am going to. I’m rising above and moving forward with what God has put on my heart.
These are exciting time we live (helps to view hard times as “exciting times”) as God has many chances to prove Himself strong and faithful, and we’re having many opportunities to prove our trust in Him. So I may cry my way through it, but I am moving forward.