So the past two weeks have been awful. And part of me had a feeling that something was coming, because Mark and I have been making good decisions, stepping out in our faith, walking in unity, etc. Yet I didn’t fully plan on being flattened by a truck (not literally).
A week ago Monday began with a bad day at work, followed by an emergency run to labor & delivery. I sat in the hospital for 2.5 hours while Baby and I were monitored to see what was happening. Thankfully, Hav was able to watch Ryde, and Mark was able to get off work and sit with me. I had peace the whole time, but it was a bit of an emotional roller coaster to say the least.
And since then, things have just been hard, bizarre, frustrating, and basically, I’m just at the point of saying Lord, something has to break, because I CANNOT do this anymore. I’ll spare everyone the details, but we’re facing a lot of challenges right now. And as a couple, it’s very hard to not take the stress out on each other. It’s hard to keep my patience when Ryder is kicking, screaming, throwing a huge tantrum, and it’s only 7:45 in the morning. Some days, I’m just ready to say you know what, I also want to lay on the floor, kick, scream, and throw a fit as I’m not happy either!! You know???
But thankfully, just as I patiently teach Ryder that tantrums are not the way to respond to life, God does the same for me. He blessed us so much on Sunday at church as we had people praying with us, encouraging us, giving (financially) to us, even presenting opportunities to us that may or may not work out, but they at least give hope. There is light at the end of the tunnel. We have gone through so much in the past 4 years, and we know that this year is going to beat all the garbage and be our year of newness, of seeing hopes and dreams start to sprout, and of being the time for us as a couple and as a family to move forward.
So as I read this quote by Bill Johnson on Saturday, I knew this was for me -“You can only hold on to one thing at a time – the promise of God or disappointment. You’ll have to drop one to embrace the other.” Disappointment is not going to be the main feature of my life anymore. I’m putting my foot down, and I’m choosing that we will see the promises of God in our lives, not just in everyone around us, but in OUR lives.
I’m ready for February to be over and for Spring, which is new life, health, lightness to begin.