Is time flying by or what?! In a few short days, my first born will be 2 years old, and my second will be 2 months. It hurts my heart. As challenging as the toddler years are, I look at the short little person that my boy is, and I know that in a year or two I will miss him as he is today. I will miss the adventurous, no fear, no insecurities, just always growing, learning, and trying new things person that he is. Iwill miss the “MOOOOMMMMMM!!!!” that I hear all the time, the crying spells where he just has to be held, the enthusiasm to help with vacuuming, doing the laundry, and the joy of just playing outside with Zoya. I then look over at Ez who just peacefully sleeps his days away in a swing, a car seat, or a bouncy seat, and I think Ezzy please don’t grow up so fast. I feel like I haven’t had a chance to really just spend hours with Ez. We’re always rushing here and there, rushing to get him fed, get him changed, get a bath in here and there. But where are the moments of just watching him sleep?? Where are my moments of life with just Ezra? Instead, he’s just quietly growing and quietly letting life pass. Life with two kids is certainly different than life with one. The main difference being a lack of time.
Last night, I crashed in bed with my kindle at 9pm. My intent was to read, but I don’t remember getting any reading done. Next thing I knew, Ezzy was ready for a feeding, and it was some time after midnight. The light in the room was off, so Mark obviously realized I wasn’t reading either. 🙂 I got up to make a bottle and get myself and Ezra planted on the couch. I went through my daily frustration of looking at a filthy house (the floors in our house have to be cleaned daily due to one energetic dog, and I can’t remember the last time I vacuumed. Gross.), looking at the couch piled high with laundry, thinking about how nothing is packed, prepared, or ready for the next morning before work, and lastly, how I haven’t had my devotional time and how tired I am. Then randomly, the verse that we all know came to mind – “Seek ye first the kingdom of God . . .” Yet I only thought of that part. The “seek ye first” part. I do well to get any seeking in during my day. Forget seeking FIRST. And honestly, I feel guilty about it. I know the Lord knows that I’m a busy mom. I know the guilt isn’t from Him. Yet I also know that He misses me just as I miss Him. I know that His desire is to be first. And I could make more effort for it to be so.
So at 1am last night, I did my Bible reading. I contemplated on several parts of Ecclesiastes, and I got a lot out of it. King Solomon really emphasized how life was meaningless if we did all that we do yet never enjoy it. I’d never really considered that much. My days are so full, yet it’s all things I have to do. On average, I’d say that I don’t really enjoy much as there are other things I’d rather be doing. I have very little free time or fun tme. But have I tried to enjoy life anyway? Have I purposed to make the most of every day? This is the life that I have, so I’d better enjoy it. So I went to bed with that thought/revelation, and I then slept for a solid 6 hours, which was very nice and very much needed. I was up by 7am with the sound of “MOMMY!!” “MOMMMMM!!” So I sucked it up, got up, went into Ryde’s room, and answered his “Mommy, up.” It’s awfully hard to not smile when I see the state of Ryde’s hair and bed in the morning. It reminds me that he’s still little, and he still needs his mommy. I will soon miss these days of him calling for me to come and pick him up first thing in the morning. So I’m going to enjoy them while I’ve got them. And I’m going to enjoy every moment I can in amongst the busyness, the to do lists, and the endless laundry and cleaning. 🙂