As my husband left for work, he commented on our daughter’s new love of Tinkerbell and how cool the new Tinkerbell movies are. My immediate response was “I know, because Tinkerbell is now like a warrior princess and I am totally okay with our daughter being a warrior princess.” And in my mind I was actually picturing Eowyn from Lord of the Rings, and I have found myself thinking about her a lot lately. But I will come back to that as I haven’t posted a blog in a while and need to backtrack a bit . . .
So we have been busier than busy over the past month. We’ve been through quite the saga with my visa application, and we’re coming to the final two weeks of time that the British immigration office gives for processing all visa applications. In other words, if we don’t hear a decision on my visa by September 1st, we have the right to push our way through and find out why no decision has been made. Lord willing, we won’t get to that point. And in the midst of that, I’m doing a ton of work with both Bible schools, which takes a lot of my thoughts and time. And we’ve also started homeschooling the boys, which is no small feat. And that’s just a bit of our own saga, so I’ll leave that at that.
I will say though that very few people understand what it is like to go through the process of immigration. Very few understand what it’s like to move a family of 5 into a house with 3 other people; the laundry machine and dishwasher seem to always be running. Very few understand the process of living out of suitcases for four months and how that can play havoc on your mental state. Very few also understand how much we are living by faith as we have no home in the UK waiting for us (we always have a place to stay with our family, which is so hugely appreciated!), we have no car there, no idea of where in Edinburgh we’ll live or how we will afford it. We are walking by faith only. And some days, we sail through it, and on other days, we completely fall flat on our faces and stay on our faces for a few days. So simply put, this has been a stretching process, and I honestly haven’t appreciated everyone’s thoughts on it as they haven’t been through it themselves. I’ve heard everything from criticism on our lack of planning, to how Sovereign God in His timing is, to this being a season of testing, to everything one could think of, and I do know that it has been said in a manner of trying to be helpful. But I haven’t been super gracious as I just don’t want to hear anymore; I only want to know His thoughts on all of this. And so I’ve stopped blogging and am trying to keep our circumstances to myself as no one ever wants to hear the hard parts of what others are going through (truly being honest here). And really, it’s all between Him and me anyway. It’s my job to cast my cares on Him; it’s His job to care for us. So this process has been more about me getting my thoughts and emotions in line with Him rather than anything else. And as I do that, it’s easier to be quiet and to not talk about it all. It’s easier to try to focus on today and what I should be doing today rather than on the future. The future is very unknown, but thankfully, we serve a God who knows all.
And that leads me back to the subject of warrior princess and Eowyn. For the entire summer, every time I am in church on a Sunday morning, I think of this scene from the last movie of the Lord of the Rings. The scene where they are preparing for the final battle, and they’ve all lined up in preparation. Some are so nervous that they’re sick, some are so excited that they’re trying to hold their horses back, and then Eowyn rides up as she is ready to be who she really is and to fight as a leader in her land. I’ve felt like that scene is for me, and yet hello, I’m no princess. I’ve fought against being a leader all year, and I am not ready for battle. Yet everything seems to say otherwise. We have been in a battle for my visa, we are preparing to fight to answer God’s call for us, I am preparing to lead the way in starting something new in a new place, and we are called to be in the Army of God. In His army, He lets all of His daughters fight, and He even lets them lead!! Hello. He has prepared me for this time, and even on the days when I fall flat on my face or when I have a giant tantrum and sit down and tell Him that I am not doing this one more day, He just patiently waits. He just patiently loves me through my ugly days. He’s such a better parent than I am. He’s such a better leader than I am. He’s just so good. And it’s His goodness that has kept us through this year. It’s His goodness that has kept our marriage. It’s His goodness that says, “Guys, just trust me.” It’s His goodness that says “I have a plan for you five and it is so good!!” It’s His goodness that calls me to serve Him, to line up behind Him in battle, and to say yes, I will fight the good fight of faith. I will fight as Your warrior princess and give my life for Your Kingdom. It won’t be easy, and this battle has been far harder than I expected, but no amount of training is ever easy. The key is to just get up and do it again every single day, and so today is a new day.
(Image is from “Return of the King” from the Lord of the Rings Trilogy)