[dropcap style=”font-size: 60px; color: #9b9b9b;”] A [/dropcap]nyone familiar with my writing will know that rest has been a long battle for me. Choosing to enter God’s rest, staying in God’s rest, ending the constant need to strive, getting rid of the anxiety that comes with always needing to be doing, needing to have some say, and basically, just being an intense personality in general. The book of Hebrews has been my constant throughout my life as it’s what this perfectionist has needed to learn. And unfortunately, perfectionists also tend to be hard on themselves. So I’ve also kicked myself for being such a slow learner. Yet thankfully, our God is a gracious Teacher. He recognizes the seeking heart, He recognizes the efforts to let go, and He patiently teaches us.
This week, I’ve been reading through Beautiful One: A Walk In Deeper Intimacy with the One Who Created Us. Last night, as I read through the final chapter, tears streamed down my face as God ministered to me through Heidi Baker’s story. She wrote out her heart and her experience of watching her husband battle through 2 years of dementia. She was given a death sentence over him, which would be unbearably painful for any wife, and yet she knew that God had more. Yet she didn’t understand what was happening to her spouse. She’s very honest and candid, and I can’t tell her story. You’ll have to read it for yourself. But I will share one thing that stuck with me.
She tells how her husband is a great perfectionist. How he runs their ministry so well, yet was becoming burdened with anxiety as the needs were becoming so great. He was getting exhausted, and his heart and mind were needing rest. She then tells how the dementia hit and what the Lord showed her through it. Basically, as his body became immobilized, the Lord just kept reminding her that He was using what the devil meant for harm to allow Rolland to rest. Heidi then shares about Hebrews and the importance of entering God’s rest. Again, I can’t put it all into words like she does. Yet she beautifully shares about how there’s no shame for us perfectionists as God covers our weaknesses. He asks us to enter into His rest for our own good, and He covers us through it.
In my poorly written way, I’m trying to say that what I learned last night is that through all of my struggles and all of the embarrassment that I’ve felt in not being able to have my ducks in a row, God’s covered me. God the Father never looks at me and thinks wow, she is so missing it. She has so missed the mark. He only sees me through His lens of perfection. He only sees me through a lens of love. He only works to draw me closer to His heart. His heart is safety, peace, love, and rest. He never rejects or condemns. He longs for me to be anxiety free for my own good. He knows that Jesus has already done it all, so all I have to do is trust and obey. He has made it easy, yet I make it hard. This is the abundant life that Jesus spoke of. Rest. Confident trust. Peaceful expecation. A knowledge that Jesus paid it all, and all I have to do is enter in. How beautiful is that? How truly beautiful?
I encourage you all to get this book and to enjoy intimacy with your Creator.