Does anyone else flip flop on whether or not to have one more child? Or is it just me? This sounds silly, but as of May 2012, we either try for a third baby or forget. Why May? Because I turn 35 the following February, and I’m not joking when I say that I’m not having any more kids after that point. I’m really not. My labor/delivery is way too hard (with too long of recoveries) to deal with at an older age. I admire older mamas, and I figure they are a lot stronger, more organized and put together women than I am. I just know my limits, and I think that would push me over the edge. I’d have to be allowed to go to a spa for 6 weeks after having the child in order to really do it. πŸ˜‰

So I keep pondering what we should do. We’ve both said that we’re 95% positive that we are not having any more kids. Mainly because we feel that we definitely cannot afford it. And that’s true based on our current income. In order to have a third child, we’d have to live without my income, which would then require that we moved to the poor house (literally). So then I wonder why I’m even thinking about . . .

Last night, I packed up all of Ezra’s 6 month clothes. It made my heart hurt. I even considered wanting another boy just so he could wear all the cute clothes. I’m not ready to get rid of them. Not ready to have my baby be growing up. Not ready to be done with babies.

But then I think how much easier life is getting just at this point with one child being able to do things for himself and the other getting to the point where he doesn’t need to eat all day or be changed ten times. Life is getting easier. Do I really want to interrupt that?

We’d also have to buy a new, big car in order to hold 3 car seats. We’d have to travel to England with 3 kids instead of 2, and having 5 of us (plus 1 dog) in a 950 square house would feel a bit beyond claustrophobic.

Yet then I consider the idea of starting to sell/give away the baby items that Ez has already outgrown and go back to mourning and not being ready.

Am I a flake or what??

So I asked Ryde what he thought. He first told me that Ezzy was his baby, and then when I asked him if he wanted two babies, he said yes. But he wants everything in sets of two right now, so he’s not really a reliable opinion.

Therefore, to any moms (who are settled and beyond the point of not having any more kids and who might be reading this) – do you regret not having more kids?

And before I end this, I do realize that with age and time, we’re not even guaranteed to get pregnant again. I also realize that God can work in wonderfully interesting ways as well, and I do have a husband who has an opinion, which is just as valid as mine – minus that he doesn’t have to go through pregnancy and labor. πŸ™‚

4 thoughts on “baby dilemma

  1. You asked for thoughts… πŸ™‚ As you know, we have 4, one who is VERY busy and always will be, we've lost 3 babies, I have to give myself shots everyday when I'm pregnant, we live 2 hours from where I doctor and deliver….and I still sometimes think "I want another baby" ( we won't) and get emotional about it. Yes, crazy and not practical. πŸ™‚ All that to say that I think it is a God given gift for us women to love babies, want to have them, and mourn when that "stage" is over. Such a hard thing; it's a CHILD so how can God NOT be totally in control of ones existence…..but yet we know how it happens. πŸ™‚ I think lots of people struggle over this; God will give you strength to have peace with the end of a special phase, or to take care of 3! (parents are outnumbered then….:) I know that doesn't really help you, except just know you're not alone! ~Elise

  2. Elise, I'm glad you commented, and I hope you read this. First, I thought of you as I was writing this, but I didn't know that you had lost 3 or that you had to give yourself shots throughout your pregnancies. πŸ™ That makes my heart hurt. Second, I think it's a matter of separating emotions from reality BUT also trusting God that whether we have 2 or 3 we're still blessed and happy. And yes, I fully agree that the desire to love babies is a God given gift, and I would take several of them if I could. Thank you for your thoughts!

  3. Oh Micah – I have the same internal conversation with myself ALL the time. In fact just yesterday as I had my coworkers newborn I thought…"maybe we could do this". I have 2 girls 5 and 2 1/2 and while my youngest was an easy baby, she is a very challenging toddler. And many times a day I think, "Why would I want another one to add to this chaos?" And yet, I have my little Eli, just as you have your little Eden Bella. The idea of a bigger family seems wonderful but the idea of ALL of our family being 4 hours away makes me believe we would go CRAZY. And yet, I still think about it all the time too! If I were you though, I wouldnt set an age to stop. You might be surprised once Ezzy gets to be 3 or so the freedom you will get back and you might be ready for that third….or maybe not. :)As we say, "We should leave it in God's hands." is proving to be very difficult! Thanks for the post! – Sarah Gries

  4. I know Joseph's parents after a certain point wanted more kids–and regretted it some. (They have five.) And his grandma had problems (thus only one child) and always wanted another. I guess what is helpful to remember is there are certain seasons in life—in want, and in plenty, God is still our God. He can be trusted. I look at life as a miracle. Anyone struggling with infertility, or a medical diagnosis that makes it difficult to have children would gladly walk in your shoes…even if labor is painful…and even if it just happened once. I just remember being in the hospital in August of 2010 and hearing a baby born down the hall. My abdomen had been through a brutal battle and for a fleeting moment I had the thought that it wasn't what I had asked for. I wanted a baby in my arms (even if I wouldn't say it), and instead I had surgery stitches, and drainage bags. God just comforted my heart with the truth that I could be content with what He'd given—even if it wasn't what I'd have chosen or expected. And I decided to rejoice in the miracle of that baby's first cry rather than wallow in my own self-pity. Either way, you are right, you will be and are already blessed. πŸ™‚ I'm not a Mama yet, but that's what I think.

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