So as the months creep along, I’m more and more aware of the fact that Bump’s due date is approaching. And in my mind is this list of all the things that we need to pay for before his arrival . . . our insurance went up, so we’re responsible for this much of his birth, we’ll need twice as many diapers, still need some big baby items that we never bought (but needed) with Ryder, need to move Ryder to his new room, which needs a new window, a bed, etc., and on the list goes. Worry, worry, worry . . . not to mention the fact that Plan A was for me to be done with work. We’re now looking for a Plan B. 🙂 Again, worry, plan, worry, what about this, what if this doesn’t happen, and more worry. I think I got bogged down with all of the worry last week, then disappointment about this, and being bummed about that compounded on top of the worry, followed by attitude issues from a certain toddler, topped with general tiredness. All of it equaling a total disaster in my attitude.
Thankfully though, because of Jesus and all He’s done for us, the Lord reminded me that I can easily and quickly repent and get back into a good attitude and right relationship with Him and others. So Sunday morning’s worship service was a time for me to do just that. Time to put it all in His hands, leave it there, and just worship Him. And so my week has been much better. 🙂
Not only that though, but as I was doing my weekly run to Target yesterday, I decided to stop by the kids’ clothes because Ryde is growing out of all his shirts. I was hoping to find some $2 shirts to keep him through the rest of the winter. And I found squat. Yet God reminded me that Ryder has not lacked anything. Clothing has always been provided for him, and every time he starts to outgrow his clothes, someone gives him hand-me-downs or buys him a gift. He’s never gone without. So I was okay with not finding anything for him. But then I started to wonder if God would provide for this baby as well. This baby will definitely not need clothing as there are loads of clothes for him to wear. But what about all our other needs? And again, I heard the Holy Spirit say “why would I provide for one child and not the other?” Indeed, why would He not? And why have I allowed worry, fretting, planning, stewing, etc. bog me down when God is our Provider? If the Lord has taught me anything in the past few years, it’s been that He is our Source. Truthfully, I’m being disrespectful in even allowing myself to worry at all. He’s got it, so why do I act like I have to do it? Do you know what I mean? He’s got the right jobs, He’s got the diapers, He’s got the medical bills, He’s got the baby items, He’s even got Ryder’s new room all taken care of. Why do I think I can do any better?
So I’m humbling repenting, and I’m relaxing in my Father and in all He has provided through His Son for me. I’m not going to think through the next 4 months, but I’m just going to take it day by day, week by week. And in excitement and expectation, we’ll see how He provides. I think it’ll be good . . . 🙂